Friday, August 27, 2010

Grace & Whales in the Deep Blue Sea

I have not been feeling well this week and I was grateful my kids had plans with their grandparents Monday evening. I was lying in bed watching TV with wonderful Husband S when the phone rang with a call from Tall Daughter E. My peace and quiet having been disrupted, I was not feeling nurturing as I answered the phone.

“Mom, guess what?” Good lord, what trivial thing has she called me about knowing that I am trying to rest? That part stayed in my head, what came out was an impatient sounding, “What?”
“Baby belugas, mom, I see a baby beluga. A real life one.” She and my dad were going fishing near Girdwood and were driving by a spot called Beluga Point on Turnagain Arm. It is a beautiful spot along Cook Inlet where you can, indeed, see beluga whales at the right time of year if you are lucky. We’ve seen whales there before, but never a baby. She went on to describe it to me.

Now understand that in general I am not a fan of children’s music. When my girls were toddlers I saw no reason why they could not listen to the Beatles or CSN&Y or Billie Holliday along with me. Many of their lullabies are old folk songs or Beatles tunes. I saw no reason why I should subject myself to more earworms than I already got from Sesame Street. But there was one exception, Tall Daughter learned Raffi’s “Baby Beluga” in kindergarten and I liked it. It was the one piece of kiddie music we listened to and we sang it together often.

At her age, it would have taken a death threat to get me to call my mother to remind her of a pleasant childhood memory we shared. I would have only brought something like that up if I could frame it ironically. But here she is, so excited that her wildlife encounter echoes this memory that she took time out to call me instead of just telling me about it when she got home like she usually would. I felt simultaneously touched and ashamed for having been so annoyed.
Like many many other mothers, I sometimes feel like a failure as a parent. Tall Daughter is so difficult to motivate that I sometimes despair. But here was a moment when I knew that I was doing something right. She may not grow into my vision for her, but we have a closeness that not even adolescence can shake. And adolescence is very trying indeed, for both of us. I should appreciate this bond more and reframe “needy” as “loving”.

A few weeks ago our minister spoke on moments of grace, even for non-theists like me. In this small moment I felt grace, and gratitude, and humility.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Big Red Crazy State

In light of yesterday's primary election you may all be forgiven for thinking the whole state of Alaska is crazy. I won't even argue.

Just please don't mention HER, OK? Thanks.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Confessions of a Poltical Junkie

Today is Election Day in Alaska and I love politics. Love it. I have always been a political junkie. I was the weird kid who, at the age of seven, begged to be allowed to stay up and watch presidential election results. Don’t ask me why I was rooting for John Anderson, but my penchant for iconoclasm revealed itself early. I still take the day off after major elections so I can stay up all night watching the results. Partly, I love the game of it all, but I learned to love the way it can affect and improve people lives, and create history in front of us. Through disillusionment and the switching of teams, I have been passionate about it my whole life.

Even so, sometimes I have to take a break and pull back. I have never been successful at getting myself to not pay attention, but sometimes I have to not care so much. I know that the triumph of evil happens when good people do nothing. I know that apathy helps nothing, but I also wonder about the effect of caring on myself. I pull back when I start to feel like I am spending too much time in anger and despair: Anger at the other side and despair at my own. Regardless of what some might tell you, it is a tough time to be a liberal when even winning elections doesn’t guarantee results. As much as I love Rachel Maddow, I find that I am less happy when I watch her five days a week. I spend more time being upset about things I cannot control. Two or three times per week and I feel informed, but there is a point where it is too much.

So the question is, how to I protect my own mental and spiritual health and still stay well enough enformed to try to make a difference? No, I am not saying I get all my news from Rachel Maddow, but I do find her to be well informed, thoughtful, intelligent, and refreshingly civil. She is also a kick-ass role model for my girls.

As an aside, my most evangelical, Bible-thumping, small government, anti-tax, pro-war, Sarah Palin & Dr. Laura loving, social conservative colleague and I are actually voting the same way on a ballot proposition. I do not believe this has ever happened before in the almost eight years we have worked together. It is like a tiny Election Day miracle.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

UU Bloggers Hair Jinx

This is for those of you who look for bad news to come in threes. First, it started with Peacebang and her annual hair color disaster. Then, Matt Kinsi discovered unwanted, and most pre-mature, gray hair. Now I have managed to make a monstrosity of the back of my head.

I wear my hair very short and have taken to cutting it myself (I can be quite notional at times). So yesterday, I cut my hair and the front looks very cute, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, there was an accident with the clippers in the back and I am now left with something horrible. This is not just my hyper-sensitive opinion; every member of my family will verify that this is indeed at hot mess. It is gamine in the front and punk in the back. The only possibly solution is to make like Lizard Eater and buzz my whole head and I am not quite willing to go that far. By the way, LE, you have truly glorious hair and I admire your bravery.

So I dyed my hair a darker color last night to help camouflage the disparity in length, and now I hate the color. I think I am just in for a pretty ugly month while I wait for this to grow out. I will just have to face everyone for a while.

Strangely, I am not nearly as upset about this as I would have been in the past. I have really bad hair for the next month or so no matter what I do. There are worse things than that. I am quite surprised that I am so calm about this; I wouldn’t have been in the past. As a matter of fact, I am much happier with my emotional state than I am upset about my hair.

So for the rest of you UU bloggers out there, as well as other readers, it should be safe to go the barber/hairdresser now. We’ve got the jinx covered.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Clash of the Titans - With Spoilers

I know I am a little behind the times, but I just watched the re-make of Clash of the Titans this weekend and I was quite surprised at the tack the film took towards religion. For my purposes here, I will not be addressing the shallow misunderstanding of Greek religion that seems like it came from a children’s book listing only the gods’ names and spheres of influence. Nor will I belabor the criminal waste of truly talented actors, besmirching their otherwise outstanding resumes. (I weep for you, Liam and Ralph.) If you want to read mean, snotty reviews of the film there are many available and they are all correct.

I was surprised at the way the film portrays the relationship between men and gods, and the not so subtle real life message. Religion is bad, gods are mean and bad, people should just figure out the world on their own with no goals other than that. Perseus’s whole goal is to kill and bring down the gods of Olympus, especially Hades. He is not interested in saving Argos, or brave Andromeda, he just wants to avenge his family and destroy the gods. How the world would continue to work after the gods are gone was not clear, but dammit, it would work for men. Not people, mind you, men.

As a science-loving non-theist, I’m as down as anybody for art that teaches people to rely on reason rather than superstition, but this was really heavy handed. Scene after scene, we hear Perseus attest to his goal of vengeance against the gods. I cannot call this film Humanist as it never tries to say how people would do better for themselves, than by serving Olympus. Nowhere does it attempt to define what is great about being a human or what can be achieved if not held back by the gods. Sure, the gods kill a few people, but are people any better to each other?

I tend to roll my eyes when conservative Christians talk about Hollywood being anti-religious, but this is the type of film that gives credence to their argument. It criticizes religion, but to no purpose other than lashing out that gods are bad. Hint, hint, get it, gods are bad.

Another aspect that jumped out at me, was how much of the action in the film is motivated by hate. Hades hates Zeus, Caliban hates Zeus, Perseus hates Hades. No one, save perhaps Andromeda, seems motivated to benefit anyone, even themselves. It is not about salvation, or greater glory, or love, it is about implacable hate, which is pretty dark for a sword & sandals type film. I think they were going for a Gladiator vibe, but even that film has a restore-the-glory-of-Rome subplot.

Maybe I just don’t like people picking on the gods of Greece, with whom I fell in love as a child. Do yourself a favor and avoid this film. Save those two hours of your life.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Joys and Concerns

Can I just say how much I love spoken Joys and Concerns? I really really like it. I know it can be an opportunity for blowhards to blow, but it also a chance for people to share their lives with their community. I want to know if the folks sitting around me have had a death or a birth in the family, or have lost or gained a job, not for the sake of gossip, but so that we can support and affirm them. It makes it easy to let people know where you are in your own life without feeling like to have to reveal too much in a conversation, or figure out how to work it in. It builds a closeness and a trust that silent candle lighting does not.

No matters how much I am encouraged to do so, I am not going to come up to someone after the service and say, “I say you lit a candle today; is there anything you want to tell me about?” I’m just not.

It reminds me of the time for prayer requests from my childhood. Each child got to feel like they had their moment that was important. Their life and concerns, no matter how small, were important to God. Now Joys and Concerns is like that, but without the necessity for belief in the Almighty. My triumphs and struggles, as much as I choose to share them, are important to the community and we take the time to recognize that all of us have a place in the service.

For me, Joys & Concerns helps to keep the focus on the democracy of US, rather than the hierarchy of YOU and WE that often develops in organizations. I don’t know if it has become blasé to longtime UU’s, but as a newcomer, Joys and Concerns has become one of my favorite parts of Sunday mornings.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Not Just Ted Stevens

Tough day today. Several co-workers and friends knew the pilot who died along with Sen. Ted Stevens last night. Terry Smith was very well-regarded and will be missed. He just attended a memorial service a few weeks ago for his son-in-law, who also died in an aviation accident. I can't even image what it must be like for that family right now. Things are pretty somber around here.

A close friend of mine works with Smith's other daughter and used to work with him. I had to call her to tell her when I found out that he definitely was one of the fatalities. People had been on pins and needles all day; we knew there were four survivors, but not their identities.

I felt pretty down after I called her and heard about the reactions of his former associates on her side of the airport. A few minutes later Eva Cassidy's version of "How Can I Keep From Singing" came on my iPod. It helped. It's still a tough day, but it helped.

Feministing & Religious Institutions

There is a lot of food for thought in this post from Feministing on how to view religious institutions which advocate political positions and their members. She makes several interesting points, but this really stood out to me.

And I wonder what society would be like if folks like my friend defended my right to not be burdened by the laws of someone else’s church with as much passion as they defend the rights of religious institutions to advocate for public policy that plants their dogma on my neck.

But maybe that's just the week I'm having. The bigger question is do we hold believers responsible for the teachings of their religious institutions if they choose to stay? I've been on both sides of that question and I lean towards "yes", but you can easily make the other arguement. Your thoughts?

Friday, August 6, 2010

My Wedding Anniversary



Today is my wedding anniversary. For 16 years, Husband S has been legally obligated to put up with me, and he does a pretty damn fine job. There is some argument as to whether I am low or medium maintenance, but a maintenance program for my happiness and sanity does, indeed, exist.



S has always stuck by me and supported me, even when he doesn’t have to. He has faith in me even when I don’t and he always encourages me to try something new even when he doesn’t agree with what I want to try, like joining a UU fellowship for instance. He frequently puts my wants ahead of his and he deals with my family – even on holidays. He holds me accountable for my actions, which pisses me off, but it makes me a better person. He is patient with my impatience. He is my favorite person in the world.



Old age isn’t scary when I think about growing old with him.



Today won’t be the anniversary celebration that we hoped for, but it will be just us and that is enough. I love you, S.



P.S. Congratulations to all of the same-sex couples in California who can now celebrate their own wedding anniversaries, U.S. Supreme Court willing.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Happy Belated Lughnassadh

I missed both Lughnassadh/Lammas celebrations this weekend due to travelling for work. On the plus side I can now say I have been above the Arctic Circle, and what better time than now? I will also miss our women’s circle’s Lammas retreat due to a conflict with my wedding anniversary. As much as I would like to go, I don’t miss our anniversary for anything.

This is the third year in a row that Lughnassadh just hasn’t worked out for me. It always seems to be this festival that has the problem. Also, it is hard to get in the mood to celebrate the fruits of summer when we have seen nothing but rain for a month.

Best wishes for a meaningful holiday for all of you who celebrated this weekend or who have celebrations yet to come. Here’s to looking forward to Mabon!