tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38500483014511112352024-03-18T19:43:49.154-08:00Strange AttractorStrange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.comBlogger189125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-83178216769415108782012-06-28T15:29:00.001-08:002012-06-28T15:29:05.167-08:002012 Milestones<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">2012 has been a year of milestones and transitions in the
Attractor household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since May, Tall
Daughter E has graduated from high school and turned 18.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tiny Daughter M has completed elementary
school and is on her way to middle school this fall. This is taking quite a bit
of mental adjustment on my part.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For one thing, I have no more small children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Much like when we completed potty training I
have the sense of transitioning to a different stage of parenting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the girls are 5 years, but 6 grades apart,
I have had a child in elementary school every year for the past 13 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This fall will be the first time in a long
time that the rhythm of the grade school year will not be a factor in our home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a little weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you spent even 15 minutes with Tiny M, you
would be quite sure that there are no more little girls in our home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will be 13 this fall – definitely 13.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With older children comes a certain amount of
freedom, but also some anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
<a href="http://twinisms.com/" target="_blank">Bridget</a> once told me, “Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The everyday things with Tall E are much the same as they
have been, but there is the adjustment that we are now learning to live as
adult women in the same home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still
her mother, but she is an adult now and that makes things different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She still needs guidance and support, but I
need to temper my bossiness with respect for her autonomy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That doesn’t exactly come naturally to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next month my mother turns 70 and Fabulous Husband S turns
40.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This doesn’t seem to bother him
much, but for me, staring middle age in the face is uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I’m breaking new ground by
saying I feel much younger than that and am astonished to find myself in this
state.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember how old and out-of-touch
middle aged people seemed when you were young?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s me now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those Facebook
friends from high school who look so old? That’s how I look to them. While
neither S nor I are aged I have to admit we are not young anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last few months have been a sort of a microcosm of
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each day is much like all the ones
before and after it, but taken as a whole, I feel like there has been a huge
continental shift and I am standing on a new piece of land, watching the
familiar piece drift away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure this
land will soon become more comfortable and I will get used to our new normal,
but it is still noticeable that things are not the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the positive side, this season of
transition reminds me to be present in each day and treasure it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stuff that will seem to have been
important later is the stuff that is happening now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the hero of my generation, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091042/" target="_blank">Ferris Bueller</a>,
once said, “Life moves pretty fast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Of course,
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhkDdayA4iA" target="_blank">Ferris is looking a little older</a>, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-6514953073535916762012-05-24T16:25:00.001-08:002012-05-24T16:25:48.633-08:00Alaska Hosts the PNWD<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You may have noticed I haven’t posted anything here in a
while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the last six weeks or so life
was just too overwhelming and busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a
sanity-saving measure I did not make time to write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t even make much time for the
introspection necessary to write something interesting. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting through one task after another without
falling apart was the big goal – anything else was gravy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I will write about all of it,
because most of it is banal and boring to anyone not living it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You lucky readers will get just the
highlights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS3ZzeTxdeewdGo4bZHrF6lx0Vo3kYhYs53eDOIOTP5A0wodtpUDqarh0NCZzosE9BQKTzWaze3Erfp7D2maf8IGxD7CiQ1Spfxyz9ggB6XsgLD28CEQdkRRqwh4DVwTgnnxJv0DxXHthp/s1600/Cake_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS3ZzeTxdeewdGo4bZHrF6lx0Vo3kYhYs53eDOIOTP5A0wodtpUDqarh0NCZzosE9BQKTzWaze3Erfp7D2maf8IGxD7CiQ1Spfxyz9ggB6XsgLD28CEQdkRRqwh4DVwTgnnxJv0DxXHthp/s200/Cake_2.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the things taking up my attention lately was the
Pacific Northwest District Assembly, held in Anchorage last weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alaska has never had the honor to host
anything UU-specific like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing
that we may not get to host it again, we pulled out all the stops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since this was the 50<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
anniversary of the PNWD, the theme was a birthday celebration. The event went
really well, but it was a lot of work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If any of you came up for this event, thanks for coming and I hope you
had a great time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Talking to people, the PNWD was eye-opening for many Alaskan
UUs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Due to the logistics and costs
involved, most of us don’t get to interact with other UU churches very
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isolation can lead to people
being fairly uninterested in the UUA and the larger movement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope that the interest piqued in many
Alaskans about expanding our vision beyond our own churches continues and
grows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO09jOdu8XYFNiQEqbxBc_xKGEQR33SkdQvnvTm89RjOKgtAM1lY6IAT0Zm7pxOY43geEN1iRARGgaY86KdQSg2gMpF18IXqJMhxuGu_Jhnj57KMRjQRcKRJiZPTnDNeeD6WRySYSRcuNT/s1600/50th+candles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO09jOdu8XYFNiQEqbxBc_xKGEQR33SkdQvnvTm89RjOKgtAM1lY6IAT0Zm7pxOY43geEN1iRARGgaY86KdQSg2gMpF18IXqJMhxuGu_Jhnj57KMRjQRcKRJiZPTnDNeeD6WRySYSRcuNT/s320/50th+candles.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have never been much of a joiner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While it might be very nice to believe that I
have such a charismatic personality that people are just dying to get to know
me, the truth is it is very easy to attend and even join a church, and stay a
stranger to most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh yes, I’ve met
so-and-so” is not the same thing as a personal relationship. There is no doubt
that I over-extended myself this spring, but I am finding that the best way to
get to know<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>people is to get involved
and do some work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is probably not a
news flash to you, but it is progress for me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I appreciate getting to know some our local
members better. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I just need to
figure out how to schedule increased involvement with times when my personal
life is not blowing up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s to
finding a balance between staying an outsider, and biting off more than you can
chew!<o:p></o:p></span></div>Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-1839337112188142572012-03-29T14:24:00.001-08:002012-03-29T14:24:51.041-08:00Congratulations to Heather ChristensenA very excited congratulations to the Rev. Heather Christensen who is now in preliminary fellowship with the Unitarian Universalist Association. Those of you who have met or “<a href="http://nagoonberry.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">met</a>” Heather know what an amazing and genuine person Heather is and how lucky the UUA is to have her among their clergy.<br />
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A conversation with Heather never goes quite the way I think it will, and I always leave feeling uplifted, and affirmed, and with more to think about than before we spoke. You can follow Heather at her blog, <a href="http://nagoonberry.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Nagoonberry</a>, and I recommend that you do if you don’t already.<br />
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Congrats Heather!<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-40826366399701187222012-03-01T16:08:00.001-09:002012-03-01T16:08:48.224-09:00Jupiter's Lesson on PerspectiveStargazing in Alaska is problematic. In the summer, there is too much light to see many stars. Spring and autumn each offer a few weeks with a good view, but in the winter clear means cold. Since I am a wimp and a terrible Alaskan, my normal view of the stars takes place during the walk from the car to the house.<br />
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Last night was a rare exception – a dark, clear sky and a not-too-cold temperature. Several planets took advantage of the chance to show off their best view. In the east Mars shone bright red and lonely over the Chugach Mountains. Normally that view would have been a showstopper, but Venus and Jupiter blazed so brightly in the west, directly opposite poor Mars, that I didn’t like to look away from them. I don’t think I have ever seen Jupiter shine bigger or brighter than it did last night. <br />
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It was a busy evening, so I got several opportunities to stare at Jupiter last night. Since red lights are for thinking strange thoughts, sitting there I was amazed that I could see anything at all that is <a href="http://www.universetoday.com/15089/how-far-is-jupiter-from-the-sun/">741 million km away</a>. Paradoxically it is amazing that anything the size of Jupiter could ever be made to look like a pin head in the sky. It is strange that something that massive can be made to look so tiny to us. It is awe inspiring to live in that kind of world. I was in a terrible mood, but still, I was moved by mighty, tiny Jupiter.<br />
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Since I habitually over think things, I got to thinking about perspective. We never really know the truth or the magnitude of something when we see it from our point of view. There is too much about it that we will never see. The truth is that Jupiter is the second-largest thing in the solar system. At two and a half times the mass of all the other planets combined, and 66 moons, it dwarfs everything else we can see from the Earth except the sun. From my perspective it is a small, bright dot in the sky over Cook Inlet. The space between those two ideas is where I find my place in the universe.<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-48859310485146261082012-02-23T15:00:00.001-09:002012-02-23T15:00:18.635-09:00Conversations on God as WomanThis past Sunday Melissa Harris-Perry had a <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/46440395?tw_p=twt#46446890">very interesting segment</a> on her new show with Selene Jones, president of Union Theological Seminary, on women as religious leaders and as images of the divine. This is not the type of discussion I have commonly seen outside of liberal religious circles. This is an important conversation and I hope it continues.<br />
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Since I don’t believe in a god, you might wonder why I care how we envision him/her/it/them. But I do care. Non-theists are a small minority in America, and we are affected by the policies enacted by and attitudes prevalent among the majority of Americans who are theists. So it is important to me that, culturally, we do not limit our vision of the divine to white maleness. Our perception of what is good and worthy should not automatically make half of the population “other”. When we picture the divine we shape what we think is of value, and we all need to be able to participate in being valuable and seeing others as so.<br />
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Even personally, I care about how we picture the divine. I have found a lot of value in some pagan practices. Sometimes I wonder if it is even fair to participate in rituals since my beliefs are out of line with most Pagans, but picturing divine females helps me to deal with aspects of myself. As a Christian, I never felt like I was related to God, but working with goddesses is connecting to parts of myself. They are not other; they are me. Even as I feel my connection to Paganism slipping, I remember learning that reverence for goddess could be a real and deeply experienced religion, and how both welcoming and shocking that was. <br />
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It only requires a quick look at recent headlines to see that allowing patriarchy to dominate all discussions of religious faith is a bad idea and does not serve any of us well. Being an atheist does not shield me from its effects. I hope that going forward we have more public discussions of a more rounded view of divinity and religion.<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-64556775844901164762012-02-16T14:11:00.000-09:002012-02-16T14:11:15.405-09:00I Can't Take Any More MisogynyI am trying to raise two girls here and it hasn’t been getting any easier lately. I am trying to raise young women who make their own choices and take responsibility for them, young women who can accomplish anything they set their minds to, happy, healthy, well-adjusted young women. So all of the ugly misogyny in the news lately is freaking me out.<br />
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While I am trying to tell my daughters that they can do anything they can dream, a presidential candidate is arguing publicly that they should not be allowed access to birth control. <em>Birth control</em>. We are not talking about late term abortion, or teenage sex, or anything that used to be controversial. They are being told that their future should be limited by their fertility and what kills me about this is that he just won primaries in three states. 20-ish years ago, when I was in high school, we never thought of contraception as anything that was in danger. It was just understood that a woman had the right to decide whether or not to conceive and that it was good for families not have more children than they could afford. These were evangelical Christians who understood that contraception was a net social benefit. I never imagined we would be having this argument. <br />
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On top of the normal fat-shaming and slut-shaming that happens every day in our society, what else has been going in misogyny lately? Well, I’ve read about people being unhappy that women breast feed in church, as if choosing to feed your child means you should be shut out of society. On the other hand, if women bottle feed, they are attacked from the other side for being selfish and not putting their baby’s health first.<br />
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<a href="http://thinkprogress.org/security/2012/02/13/424239/fox-women-miliary-expect-raped/">A commentator on Fox News</a> recently said that women should expect to be raped if they join the military. She criticized feminists who complain about “too much rape”. I would like to ask her what exactly would the right amount of rape be? Ladies, if you bravely decide to service your country and risk your life, expect that rape is just part of the package. What happened to support the troops?<br />
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We have all read about the Susan G. Komen foundation being pressured into dropping, and then restoring, funding to Planned Parenthood. I don’t need to cover it here. But Planned Parenthood continued to be a target because they make it possible for women to have sex, and that is bad.<br />
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Abortion rights are being systematically attacked all over the country. In these attacks women are continually portrayed as slutty, selfish, and stupid creatures who couldn’t possibly make a good decision without an authority figure helping her.<br />
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The Grammys decided that beating your girlfriend into the hospital doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be a featured performer. At my house, we turned off the volume while Chris Brown performed and discussed domestic violence. Yes, it was a teachable moment, but what we saw was that one person’s safety is less important than another person’s fame.<br />
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<a href="http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/02/16/426850/democratic-women-boycott-issas-contraception-hearing-for-preventing-women-from-testifying/">Today</a> women were excluded from congressional testimony on the new federally-mandated contraception coverage. Apparently the subject at hand was religious rights, not reproductive ones.<br />
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I can’t take much more of this. My daughters’ bodies are not political footballs; they are their lives. I am more sick than I can express of the politicization of the health care of half of the population.<br />
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All of this, and more, is poison to the futures of young women. For every lesson their father and I teach them that they have as much value as any man, there are counter-lessons like these. They are being told that they need to be sexy, but not too sexy; independent, but not too independent; that they bring their problems on themselves; and that most of all, they are not to be trusted. These are not the family values I am trying to teach.<br />
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<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-86379576358355515542012-02-02T16:05:00.001-09:002012-02-02T16:05:56.016-09:00Walking in Two UU WorldsPeter Morales’s <a href="http://www.uua.org/uuagovernance/officers/president/moralespeter/192145.shtml">recent article</a> and all the responses to it remind me that I often feel like I walk in two separate, but over-lapping Unitarian-Universalist worlds: my church, and the UU blogosphere.<br />
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I enjoy Anchorage Unitarian Universalist Fellowship more than I ever thought I would. It is not a perfect organization, but there I have been accepted, encouraged, challenged, and affirmed. I have been welcomed there much more readily than I had expected. What I love most about that is that I have both been accepted with open arms just as I am, and challenged to be better and to do more. I love that. <br />
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The second UU world is really the first – I found Unitarian Universalism through the UU blogosphere. I have never met most of you, but you UUs who blog or frequently comment taught me about this religious movement until I knew I wanted to look for fellowship locally. I love all you UU bloggers and the community you created. Having said that, it doesn’t feel as welcoming as it used to. In spite of various disagreements and tensions, AUUF has never made me feel like maybe I don’t belong as a UU after all, but the blogging community sometimes has. When I have been hurt by comments I have read, I have been able to push back from the screen and remember that I have a community who accepts and welcomes me.<br />
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I believe strongly in the power of the internet and social media as connecting and community-building tools. If we want to use these tools for evangelism to unchurched UUs, we have to spend less time with self-flagellation. Endless material about what is wrong with UU churches and types of UU members isn’t going to attract anyone. People want to join a vibrant community that is going places, not a group who continuously agonizes over everything being done wrong. Give me a vision for making a better world, and a direction in which we are all going to pull to get there. Let’s build a movement based on that vision.<br />
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“What is it for us to do? It is for us to heal the world.”<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-19186372628358756702012-02-01T14:30:00.001-09:002012-02-01T14:30:55.797-09:00Imbolc ResolutionsHappy Imbolc!*<br />
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Imbolc is a strange holiday here in Alaska, because even though the light is starting to return (2 hours since the Winter Solstice!), there are no other signs of spring return, nor are there likely to be any anytime soon. Until last year, I never really acknowledged Imbolc as it didn’t seem to fit into my seasonal cycle.<br />
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Last year it occurred to me that Imbolc is the perfect time to make resolutions. By New Years I am still whirling from Christmas and usually planning two birthday parties. This puts me in no place for real reflection. By the beginning of February, I have had time, and darkness, and quiet enough to think about what I want to bring with me into the year. Imbolc is celebrated in honor of the Irish goddess <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigid">Brigid</a>, and her double emphasis on home & hearth, and creativity already make me think about what I want to be and do better.<br />
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Last year at Imbolc I decided I wanted to learn to do some things badly. I have a tendency to only want to things I am good at and avoid anything in which I might not excel. I did learn to both knit and run badly – badly enough to hurt myself even, but I found both learning experiences enjoyable, valuable, and freeing. Kicking off the expectation of excellence was uncomfortable at first, but it allowed me to explore interests in a new way, and opened up whole areas that I had always felt were off limits. I also learned to be a service lay leader this year, and I hope I am not doing it badly. It is really important to me that I do that one well, or move out of the way and let someone else do it better.<br />
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Here are three things I am focusing on this Imbolc.<br />
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1. Learning to do last year’s projects well. While I enjoyed the liberation I felt in learning those new skills, I want to get better at them rather than coasting. I also want to learn to do new things badly. I’m not sure what those things will be yet, but maybe when I am ready, a teacher will appear.<br />
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2. I want to write more without worrying about the readers’ reception. I spend way too much time second guessing what people think about what I write and not enough time writing. This might even fall under #1 as well.<br />
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3. 2012 will involve a lot of changes in my house. Tall Daughter E will be an adult this summer and she and I will need to find a new way of living together as two adult women. This might be a big learning curve. I am not sure how to do this, but she is important enough to me to figure it out. Tiny Daughter M will start middle school later this year and I will have no more small children. I need to learn how to parent through this transition.<br />
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Here is to more learning, writing, and adjusting in 2012. Check out the <a href="http://gnosiscafe.com/gcblog/2012/01/25/brigid-poetry-festival-year-seven/">7th annual online poetry festival for Brigid here</a>. For those of you who celebrate, what does Imbolc bring to you?<br />
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*Patricia Kennealy Morrison referred to this holiday last night on Facebook as Brighnasa, as the counterpart to Lughnasa in August. I like it, and may use it in the future.<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-8112200284885298282012-01-04T15:56:00.001-09:002012-01-04T15:56:27.166-09:00In Defense of PinkFor one reason or another, the idea of gender was a major theme for me last year. One result of this is that I am defending something I never thought I would.<br />
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I am defending pink.<br />
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Between the video of the adorable girl criticizing the gendering of toys and the outrage over new Lego for girls it seems like the internet has blown up lately talking about toys for girls. I could spend all day linking to it all, or I could just let you Google it – there is a lot out there. I used to be in the same boat as these critics. I grew up a tomboy and my lust for <em>Star Wars</em> action figures instead of dolls was intense. I hated it when people tried to define my femaleness with traditional femininity. It did not fit me. <br />
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While pregnant with my first daughter I put a lot of thought into how I would raise a girl, unconstrained by social expectations of girliness. I was the parent who insisted on gender neutral clothing & toys. Barbie was absolutely forbidden. I ended up with an older daughter who almost totally eschews traditional feminine trappings. Aaaaand then we had daughter number two who is a frilly femme from her waist-length hair to her sparkly blue toenails. No amount of gender neutral propaganda is going to make this child not want to twirl around in lacy dresses and a tiara. And here is the thing – that should never be my goal.<br />
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I support gender neutral toys, but I no longer support the ghettoizing of pink ones. When we tell children that pink toys are bad, we tell them that femininity is bad. Girls and women should never be locked into gender stereotypes, but they also should not be denied their true selves if that self feels girly*. We ought not to tell children of either gender that girls cannot be chemists, but we also should not tell them they cannot be fashion designers. In an effort to support telling girls they can be whatever they want and make progress in traditionally male domains, I believe some feminists are painting femininity in a negative light.<br />
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One of the things I have come to realize in the past year is that my dislike of the color pink, and various other traditional feminine traits and activities are really my own unconscious internalized misogyny. That is painful to type, because I don’t want it to be true. When I go out of my way to make sure that people realize that I don’t do X, like other women, what I am really saying is that they way women do things is not as good as the way men to them. I’m saying I’m better than other women because I act more masculine. I am not OK with that. I am also finding that the older I get the more comfortable I get with my own femininity – I could not have written this post at 20.<br />
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I love my t-shirt & blue jeans daughter and my party dress diva daughter without any desire to make either one more like the other. I honor their true selves. I only hope I do them justice as they grow into amazing young women – with pink or without. <br />
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*I’m not ignoring the fact that these issues also apply to boys and transgendered people. I don’t feel as qualified to speak to that. Those issues are real and valid, but they are not the subject of this post.<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-61086671595887114452011-12-23T15:23:00.001-09:002011-12-23T15:23:46.669-09:00Making Peace With Christmas & Solstice<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In which I address steps that have
helped to make this holiday season the best in years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Since leaving Christianity I have
struggled with how and whether to celebrate Christmas. It felt false to
cherry-pick parts of a Christian holiday while rejecting Christianity
itself. On the other hand, I did not want to cause further division in my
family by refusing to participate, nor did I want to force my kids to be those
weird kids whose mom won’t let them do Christmas. I like Christmas and I
wanted to keep it, but I always felt a little inauthentic about it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As a humanist science nerd and a
dabbler in paganism, I love the Winter Solstice. The trouble is no
one in my family celebrates the Solstice or has the slightest interest in
changing the date of our winter celebration. Every year when December 21
passed, mostly unobserved, it felt like I was neglecting something important,
or missing out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">All of the pieces of this change
have been in my head for years, but this year they clicked in way that is
meaningful for me. Christmas is the way my culture celebrates the Winter
Solstice. For me, that is it. It may be a few days late, due to a
calendar clash, but that is far from the strangest thing about western
euro-american culture. This may be a big "duh" to you, but
sometimes it takes a while between when you know something is true and when you
feel its truth. When you look at the history of winter festivals, you can come
away with a feeling that Christmas is somewhat false, but this year something
has turned and it feels more universal. I am not going to begrudge
literalist Christians their refusal to see how much of their sacred day is borrowed
from older traditions, but I won't let them interfere with my understanding of
its history either. Instead I will just view Christmas as one aspect in a
web of winter holidays. <span> </span>I will celebrate
the Solstice on December 25 and call it Christmas. The actual story of
Christ's birth is not spiritually significant for me, but the long darkness and
the reborn sun are. If I focus on joy and peace and warmth and beauty in
winter, who cares if it is a few days late? This is Christmas and Solstice on
my terms, and I don't feel like I am fighting either one of them anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The second change I have made this
year is in my expectation for my own performance on Christmas. Our kids
are getting older and understand why financially this will be a smaller
Christmas than normal. Knowing that I will not be able to provide everything I
want to freed me from feeling like I have to make the BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!
every year. I am focusing on spending time instead of money.<span> </span>This means watching <i>Dr. Who</i> Christmas specials with Tall Daughter E and cutting paper
snowflakes with Tiny Daughter M.<span> </span>It is
hot cider with Husband S late on Christmas Eve and learning to knit gifts.<span> </span>It means very little time spent Christmas
shopping.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This Christmas is important.<span> </span>It is the last Christmas when all my kids
will be children.<span> </span>It is the last one
where I know for sure that the whole family will live together and race
together down the hallway Christmas morning.<span>
</span>I hope Tall E is with us next Christmas, but she will be an adult then,
and it is possible she will be living somewhere else.<span> </span>I want to wrap my arms around this Christmas
and hug it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Yesterday I had a very frustrating
afternoon and what should have been a vexing evening.<span> </span>But as I killed time running errands and
walking in the beautiful falling snow, I stared pondering this post and found
myself so in love with the world, so happy not to be a neurotic mess. <span> </span>I am not totally sure why I find myself
calmer and less frantic this holiday season, but I am.<span> </span>I find myself honoring the stillness of the
season more than the joyous frenzy. I want to rest and dwell in this Christmas.<span> </span>To everyone reading this, I sincerely wish a
wonderful joyous and peaceful holiday, on whatever terms you choose to
celebrate it.</span></div>Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-40655831927973234872011-12-08T15:24:00.001-09:002011-12-08T15:25:31.501-09:00Force Majeure & GratitudeWe had some pretty weird weather last weekend, and with it, some unfortunate <em>force majeure</em> type damage to our house. This has not been a fun experience as we are learning about construction and insurance policies, and figuring out how to pay our deductable and still manage Christmas. This falls under the category of character-building experience.<br />
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<br />
This happened right after I started a personal discipline of practicing gratitude in every situation. There is not a lot to feel grateful for when one is hearing the term “structural damage” about one’s home. For days my mantra was, “it could have been much worse”. I consoled myself with thinking about all of the terrible outcomes that <em>didn’t</em> happen.<br />
<br />
No one was hurt<br />
<br />
We did not lose our windows and have water and wind pouring in our house. <br />
<br />
No big leaks in the roof<br />
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Our vehicle was undamaged.<br />
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This list provided some comfort, but things could be worse only carries one so far. Then I noticed that something had been happening since Saturday night – Husband S and I have been so close to each other lately. I shouldn’t be surprised by now, since adversity has always brought us together, but I am enjoying the effect, if not its cause.<br />
<br />
Over and over this last week I am reminded of what complimentary skill sets S and I have. The areas where I excel are his weak points, and his strengths are in areas that leave me overwhelmed and frustrated. We don’t even have to discuss it anymore. One of us will take the lead and the other will either back them up or get out of the way. This week has left us both so <em>grateful</em> for each other. This stress and anxiety has all been worth it, having construction going on during Christmas if OK if it means I get to have this man in my life and we get to feel this way about each other.<br />
<br />
I am not happy about the cost and the inconvenience, but I am so glad to have this opportunity to remember how lucky I am to have him.<br />
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-63278490171496600892011-11-09T15:46:00.002-09:002011-12-08T15:25:35.893-09:00Sex & GleeKnowing what the subject matter would be, I almost didn't let my girls watch last night's episode of <em>Glee</em>, "The First Time", but I am really glad that I did. This themed episode about losing one's virginity was a little bit after-school special for adults, but I don't think it was aimed at us. I don't think most kids get to see these types of behaviors being modeled, but <em>Glee</em> demonstrated teens discussing using condoms; teen partners have open and only slightly embarrassed conversations about what they wanted out of intimacy, how long they wanted to wait for it, and why; positive and negative emotional outcomes of having sex in high school; partners resisting sexual advances from someone they loved because they were honoring their own feelings; a romantic relationship for a non-traditionally attractive character that was not played for laughs, but introduced the idea that not everyone is attracted to blonde cheerleaders; and a homosexual relationship that had just was much emotional and physical importance as the heterosexual relationships.<br />
<br />
I wish that there had been a little more balance and someone other than the mega-uptight counselor and the bitchy ice queen advocating for why they abstain from sex. In spite of some great <em>West Side Story</em> numbers, this will probably not be listed among my favorite <em>Glee</em> episodes ever, but again, it wasn't made for me. Most teenagers don't get to go to OWL and the sex ed schools teach is often ridiculously inadequate. If it takes a silly musical TV show to tell young people that they deserve to have their voice heard in intimate relationships, them I am all for it.<br />
<br />
I am so happy with the way this episode approached sex that I am willing to overlook how annoying it was that not one, but two adult female high school staff members are virgins due to their hang-ups and that one of them even discussed this with a high school student. I may be, ahem, singing a different song if the show pursues the choir teacher/student romantic storyline, but not now kudos to <em>Glee</em>.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-29804323151629303692011-10-26T13:39:00.001-08:002011-10-26T13:39:13.179-08:00Knitting & NeurosisI am not a craftsy person. I generally find most crafts to be sources of frustration rather than fun because I can't make things look like I want them to. I can picture or see how cool something could be, but my fingers are too stupid to make it work. I like to be good at things so I hate having lofty goals and amateurish results. So it is with real trepidation that I am committing to making all of my Christmas gifts for adults this year. I am committing here so that I will actually do it, and you can all hold me accountable. My kids will still get indulgent and wasteful stuff. If there is something I hate more than doing crafts, it is the stress and expense of Christmas shopping. <br />
<br />
I had solved the holiday shopping problem by using Amazon. Sit down, click around, get a bunch of presents - no muss, no fuss, no traffic. Except that I am trying to reduce the commercialism & waste in my life, and I do my best to buy local, so a Christmas sponsored by Amazon.com doesn't really fit in with those goals.<br />
<br />
More than anything else, I dread the idea of giving people cheesy, tacky, hideous, handmade things that they would never want or buy, even in their wildest dreams. We've all gotten those gifts from well-meaning relatives and the thought of giving them makes me cringe. So next week I am going to learn how to knit. I mean, I live in Alaska so who can't use a nice scarf? My BFF and knitting coach assures me that if I start now, there is time to re-do them if they are ugly.<br />
<br />
Now, if I were a normal person I could approach the idea of learning knit as the simple acquisition of a new and useful skill without being all neurotic about it, but noooooooo. I am not going to make things that simple; I am going to overthink everything instead. I have been intending to learn to knit for about three years, but have always helf off because of the emotional drama I spin around in at the idea. I know several really good knitters and it fascinates me. I like to watch them knit and it is amazing when they take some yarn and twist it around for a while, and magically it turns into a thing...a useful item. It is like yarn and stick-based alchemy. In my mind there is an intergenerational communion in practicing old skills, like the rare occasions when I knead bread and I feel in harmony with all of the women who came before me and fed their families with the work of their hands. It might be a good thing to learn this relaxing and meditative alchemy. It is probably a better thing to do with my hands than to continue to use them to shove Nutella in my face. But I digress.<br />
<br />
As soon as I decide to learn the other voice speaks up. Do I really want to learn to be so <em>domestic</em>? I spent most of my life trying to prove that I was a female person and not that bogie-woman a <em>girly-girl</em>. Did I work that hard to be taken seriously only to fall into a stereotype now? I mean, what kind of feminist <em>knits</em> for goddess's sake? I had the same thoughts when I learned to really cook and I love cooking now. But cooking is a little different - everyone needs to eat, but no one <strong>needs</strong> to know how to make their own socks. If I end up liking to knit, am I telling myself that I am someone other than who I think I am?<br />
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To any reasonable person, the second point-of-view is stupid. The whole point of being a feminist is to be able to make my own choices, not to limit my choices to a different, less traditional, more masculine set. As I wrote this I could imagine the Buddha laughing at me. Why would you not allow yourself to do something possibly useful and enjoyable because it might conflight with your identity which you, yourself created and isn't even real? But those values of creativity, utility, relaxation, and humility are real, so why let my ego get in the way of giving knitting a try?Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-63339740194465402972011-10-13T13:46:00.006-08:002011-10-13T14:00:00.788-08:00Grateful for Older WomenUU Membership is "graying"; we all know. In my short time as a UU I have heard and read a lot about why this is a problem and how to fix it. Demographically, I understand why aging memberships are a concern, but I have found a benefit to this lop-sided nature of our congregation. It has given me an opportunity to get to know a whole group of people with whom I almost certainly would have never interacted.<br /><br />Older women.<br /><br />I love the older women in my church and I am so grateful I have gotten the change to get to know them. There is the cheerful & bubbly woman in her 70s who did more than anyone to convince me that AUUF was worth looking into. She loves and welcomes everyone and embodies loving-kindness. I recently heard one of our board members whisper that he wanted to be her when he grew up, and I don't think he is alone in that sentiment. She also introduced me to her women's group and the wonderful retired teacher who turned 71 on our shared birthday. That detail is just one of the many things this second woman and I have in common. She has shown me how to remain yourself while embracing change, and that gratitude and contentment lay on the other side of difficulty. Her spirit make me glad to be around her.<br /><br />The simultaneously bold and relaxed 60 year old who hosts our small group is such a role model for me. Every time I talk to her she makes me feel valued and appreciated while continuing to push me to be the person I want to be. She pushes in the nicest way possible, but still... you know you were pushed. These wonderful women take everything in stride. When things go wrong they laugh, do what can be done, and move on with life. I love this about them.<br /><br />These are just the three who stand out to me the most. There are others who I don't know as well, but I look forward to learning what they have to teach. I only hope that when it is my turn to be one of the elders I will have gained some of their love and wisdom, expressed with their humor and grace. I hope that I can be to a younger person what they have been to me.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-25246727864265893852011-09-20T10:48:00.003-08:002011-09-20T11:02:22.170-08:00Liberals & Evangelicals - Part IIIn my last post I wrote that religious and political liberals need to start taking the Christian evangelical movement seriously rather than just ridiculing them and hoping they will go away. So in this post I want to present the flip side. I am not comfortable any time people, including myself, make broad generalizations about groups of people. I want to make sure that I continue to view conservative Christians as people - people who have a very different philosophy than I do, but not necessarily uncaring, mindless bigots either.<br /><br />It is easy to look at their positions and come to the conclusion this movement is made up of people who hate women and the poor, and anyone not just like them. Corporately, I believe their philosophy is dangerous to a free society and yes, I believe that unconscious or unexamined bigotries underscore part of their worldview. But I don't want to judge individuals based on the group as a whole.<br /><br />The marriage between conservative Christianity and libertarianism & nationalistic jingoism makes it easy to view adherents as selfish and uncaring, but...<br /><br /><em>Some of the most generous, selfless, committed, and loving people I have ever known have been evangelical Christians.</em><br /><br />The public hypocrisy of some makes it easy to view members as insincere, but...<br /><br /><em>Some of the most spiritually passionate people I have ever known have been evangelical Christians.</em><br /><br />Their portrayal in the media and the lack of intellectual curiousity of certain politicians make it easy to view these true believers as ignorant or stupid, but...<br /><br /><em>Some of the most well-read and intelligent people I have ever known have been evangelical Christians.</em><br /><br />As a child raised in the evangelical movement I was taught to, "love the sinner; hate the sin." Now, I want to translate that into my current belief structure. I want to separate my appreciate of the individuals' value from their philosophy. Work against the movement; love the movers. A woman at my fellowship said soemthing once regarding getting along with her ultra-conservative son, "our primary relationship is not political." I have carried this phrase with me ever since and remind myself when dealing with my evangelical colleagues and family members. My primary relationship with my family is neither political nor theological. It is familial and based on love. After all, connection is why I got into the whole spirituality search anyway, right?Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-75944117682332187942011-09-15T18:47:00.001-08:002011-09-15T18:48:45.141-08:00Liberals & Evangelicals - Part 1<p class="MsoNormal">I am always astonished to see religious and political liberals who are just now noticing evangelical and fundamentalist Christians and their influence. Where have they been all these years? I am a big fan of Rachel Maddow, but I have to shake my head every time she covers evangelicals and asks, do they really believe this stuff? Yes, yes they do.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Following political news has been a strange experience lately as I feel like I view the media coverage of various evangelical political figures through two sets of eyes. Maybe a better analogy is that I have one foot in two different worlds: one in that of my conservative Christian upbringing, and one in the secular liberalism that I chose. Like my fellow liberals I am often appalled at the statements and opinions of prominent conservative Christians, but unlike them, I am not surprised by them. They have been saying these same things for years, but few have been paying attention. It is only now that some of them are gaining real political power that their beliefs are getting notice.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Some people want to dismiss evangelicals as ridiculous, or naïve, or un-serious. This is a mistake; these people are completely earnest and they are not dumb. Their views may seem extreme, but they really mean them. They truly believe The Rapture is likely to happen in their lifetime. They mean it when they say that God has anointed America as a Christian nation and they are called to save it from the forces of darkness – they aren’t kidding. Treating fundamentalists as a joke or a fad will have serious negative consequences for liberalism because there are a lot of them out there, and they vote. Right now, they are successfully framing the debates. They are not just going to go away any time soon.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Evangelicals’ earnestness and commitment is beginning to have an effect in national politics. Old school beltway pundits wonder why it is that the Republicans are no longer willing to compromise. Yeah, um evangelicals hate compromise. They believe they are called to do God’s work in the world and that God requires them to follow the scripture. Compromise is disappointing God. Compromise is putting something else ahead of God and His commands. They are called to be apart from the world, not work with the secular world towards solution both sides can live with. This being the case, we need to stop letting them define morality for the majority of Americans.</p><p class="MsoNormal">It is time to really start paying attention to the religious right. We can no longer afford to dismiss them as a lunatic fringe. Religious liberals need to become a lot louder in their claims a vibrant spiritual life can be found a different way. We have got to stop letting them define which are good and bad religions, and what Christianity means. My struggles with Christianity are no secret, but it is the dominant religion of the United States and we need people to show that there is a meaningful way to worship Jesus Christ and the Abrahamic God with a focus on love and without dangerous literal interpretations. My fellow agnostics and atheists should be more vocal about how their humanistic belief leads them to a meaningful and ethical life instead of continuing to bash any and all forms of religion.</p>Our mockery and scorn for fundamentalists does not hurt or hinder them; it feels into their worldview that “the world” is out to get them. If the mainstream media does not like what they are doing, then it MUST be pleasing to God. Disbelief in their seriousness and effectiveness will not make them go away. We need loud counter-arguments to their claims. The evangelical movement has spent the last two generations gearing up for this. I believe religious fundamentalism is dangerous. If liberals want to keep the liberties earned and fought for over the last century, we had better start to pay attention and to advocate for a better way. Otherwise we could lose this debate before we even know it’s on.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-20944858359040879792011-08-23T06:08:00.003-08:002011-08-23T06:14:15.038-08:00Tiamat<p class="MsoNormal">I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my magic.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lately I have been out of touch with my pagan “roots”. The reason I looked into UU in the first place was it looked like a place where I could explore my life-long interest in paganism and still be an agnostic. I thought I might end up a UU Humanist Witch or a non-theistic Jungian goddess-worshipper, if you will. UU seemed like it would help me explore those contradictions.</p><p class="MsoNormal">For the last year or so, Buddhism has been speaking much more loudly to me. The more I investigated Buddhism, the less I was drawn toward trying to make sense of exploring goddess archetypes. While I love what Paganism teaches me about connection & responsibility, Buddhism is helping me live in this world in a better, happier way. Because of all of this, I have been feeling out of sync with my local goddess group and other pagans, most of whom worship and practice ritual in a much more theistic way than I do. I don’t want to be a downer on what they are trying to do, and what is sincerely meaningful for them, but sometimes the level of woo is a bit much for materialist me. There were a few rituals where I went home feeling like I went along with something I didn’t actually believe; I do not like that feeling. If I wanted that, I could have stayed a Pentecostal.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Then something strange happened; in the last week I came across references to the same goddess three times: Tiamat. Just about the time I started thinking that was a little weird watched a film with an unnamed sea goddess/personification of the ocean. Hmmm. In general, when I notice the same uncommon thing a few times in a short amount of time I make a practice of paying attention to it. I am not saying the universe is trying to tell me something – maybe it has been there all along and my subconscious is drawing my attention to it. However you describe it, I try to look into it and see if there is something there I can learn. After all, that is how I found UU.</p><p class="MsoNormal">When I started to think and read about Tiamat, I thought she might be the perfect patron for this blog. Tiamat represents the powers of creation and chaos. Chaos Theory and the patterns within creation is what got me interested in forming my personal spirituality in the first place. Tiamat is the dark All-mother creatrix who was maligned and re-cast as a demon by who's destruction men gained glory. How perfect is that for a feminist? I felt like her struggle was my struggle. I mourned for her. To me she represents all of the strong and fierce women who were put down and told they were shameful over the millennia. I have been mediating this week on finding the Tiamat within me and nurturing her. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I feel like it is important.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I still do not know how to integrate Humanism, Buddhism, and goddess worship into a coherent spirituality. One of these always seems to be in contradiction with at least one of the others. For now I will continue to stumble from inspiration to inspiration until something coherent emerges.
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea" - Isak Dinesen
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<br /></span>Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-56508723921928572492011-08-16T10:56:00.004-08:002011-08-16T11:09:00.298-08:00First Day of SchoolI am feeling a little emotional today. This morning I sent Tall Daughter E off to her first day of her senior year and I walked Tiny Daughter M to the school for her first day of 6th grade. Today feels like the beginning of an ending.
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<br />On the walk home by myself, I was sad until I realized I wasn't remotely being in the moment. My head was living in the future without them - where they don't need me anymore. I brought myself back to where I was, which was a beautiful, sunny, late summer morning on my way home to a day of solitary peace and quiet. Today they both hugged and kissed me and smiled. I have a whole year to still have both of my girls in my home and there is little to be gained spending that year worrying about its end.
<br />Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-4900121936467659752011-07-26T19:59:00.001-08:002011-07-26T20:01:12.145-08:00Harry Potter, My Daughter, and Me<p class="MsoNormal">It may seem a little late to write about this, but well, see the previous post. I’d like to bid a fond farewell full of gratitude to Harry Potter and the rest of the Hogwarts gang. I actually took the day off from work to go see the final Harry Potter movie with Tall Daughter E on opening day and I am glad I did. I don’t know how she felt, but the whole event was tinged with bittersweetness (if that is a word). Some moments are heavy with all the other moments that led to them and this was one of them for me. At this point, either you are a Potter fan or you aren’t, so I am not going to write here about the movie itself. I loved it and wept like a baby. Either you cried your eyes out, or you don’t care; that’s fine.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Much has been written about the “Harry Potter Generation” and E falls right into this category. This series neatly brackets her childhood. I read the first book to her when she was in kindergarten on the advice of her teacher, and we watched the final film together on the verge of her senior year in high school. She and I have attended all eight HP movies together on the opening day. No one else in the family likes the series – no, I don’t know why not either. It is Our Thing.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So I was really emotional heading into this movie. I took the day off, made arrangements for Tiny Daughter M, and splurged on IMAX tickets. So. Worth. It. I was eager for this movie since I had loved the final HP book, but I was also just so grateful. Thanks to J.K. Rowling, E and I have this Thing to share. While we talk alike, we have really different interests and personalities. Ever since she took her first steps towards independence in school we have had this Thing to bond over. It is hard to find activities that we both want to do, but this was something we could share. This was not just a film for me, but the culmination of all of the moments we spent <i>together</i> reading, and watching, and wondering what would happen next.</p>So thank you Ms. Rowling for Hermione Granger, and Molly and Ginny Weasley. Thank you for Professors MacGonagall and Snape. Thank you for the last twelve years of magic.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-43062155823232465982011-07-26T15:23:00.006-08:002011-07-26T15:30:31.904-08:00Great Post on the Goddess & ChaosI always get excited when someone else sees a connection between chaos theory and spirituality so I loved <a href="http://goddessinateapot.wordpress.com/2011/07/03/chaos-to-go-life-as-a-holy-speck-in-an-infinite-messiness/">this post by Carolyn Boyd </a>on the goddess and chaos. It especially reverberated with me because I was just reading the myth of Tiamat and Marduk. Thanks to <a href="http://www.blogger.com/medusacoils.blogspot.com">Medusa Coils </a>for the link.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-41951304229364554512011-07-25T21:04:00.004-08:002011-07-25T21:11:29.710-08:00Of Beautiful Brides and Broken Mothers<p class="MsoNormal">Life got pretty crazy around here last week. I am hoping to catch up on a couple of blog posts I wanted to write, but we will see what my chaos level is by the end of the week. Last week was a big mishmash of joy and frustration. My BFF got married this weekend and that has kept me very busy, but very happy.</p>On a similar note, congratulations to all the same sex couple in New York state who can now make themselves as stressed out, and crazy, and ridiculously happy at their own weddings as the one we just had up here.<p class="MsoNormal">I knew the week was going to be busy, but I didn’t expect the week’s other complication – my mother broke her ankle while my dad was out of town. This part has not been fun. If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that things between my mother and I are loving, but strained. Neither one of us is really real around the other. Since both of my sisters live in the Lower 48, I am the only child around to help her. Mom is a very smart woman who is very good at many things – accepting help and feeling powerless are not among them. Her frustration manifests as irrational stubbornness. I believe this week is referred to as “character building.”</p><p class="MsoNormal">One afternoon I was at her house, vacuuming for her and helping her to make her home a little more wheelchair-friendly and it struck me that I was looking at my future. There I was, vacuuming the same hall where I had done so many times growing up and I realized that dealing with her while she deals with her diminishing physical capability is around the corner. My sisters and their kids all live a plane-ride away and my father has serious health problems. Mom is going to get older and angry at her aging, and I will be taking care of her. This future scares the shit out of me.</p>My most awesome and wonderful Husband S deserves a special note of appreciation. He dealt with a nervous bride, a cranky mother-in-law, his visiting mother, and me while I was stressed out with all of them. He never complained or batted an eye. He is my rock and I don’t know what I would do without his support.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-4062548746667339772011-07-12T15:41:00.002-08:002011-07-12T15:43:56.170-08:00A Social Media StoryLast week Husband S and I went to an unusual wedding reception. Other than the families of the bride and groom, almost everyone there had met each other through Twitter. There were a few people who knew each other before, which is what allowed to connections to grow in the first place, but I have known most of these folks for about two years and have gotten to know them 140 characters at a time.<br /><br />The Anchorage Twitter community is very close-knit, more so than other places from what I have heard. In the time I have participated real friendship have emerged. Anchorage Tweeps babysit each other’s kids & dogs, they housesit for each other. They bring medicine and food to people when they are sick and offer moral support when times are tough. Frequent “tweet-ups” bring us together in “meat space” and just this month there was a memorial service and the aforementioned wedding for members of this unofficial community with no rules whatsoever for belonging. Last year, a favorite local musician’s car broke down right before leaving on her self-supported tour. We responded with a fundraiser and many of us chipped in a few bucks to help her get on her way. A few people even started an <a href="http://www.kiva.org/?_redirect=true&page=intro&gclid=CMjX6bzv_KkCFQQ_bAodxntexg">Alaska Tweets Kiva</a> team. While non-traditional and leaderless, this is a community. Tweetup events are some of the only places where I can talk to both conservative Christian librarians and openly gay IT professionals who are both treating each other civilly.<br /><br />Why can’t we have a spiritual community that operates in the same way? I’ve been on Twitter with my personal account for about two years, which is just about the same amount of time I have been involved with AUUF. Both of these new communities are of roughly equal importance to me. There is something really important going on with social media that most religious organizations are missing out on. Social media should be more than a tool to let people know about official events; it should be a way for people to make community outside the church walls. It should be more than just ministers using it, too.<br /><br />I love the UU blogosphere. I value being able to learn so much about Unitarian Universalism and about all of you, but this loose network is dominated by ministers and seminarians. What I would like to see is a social media tool where lay people can reach out both to clergy and each other for ministry. Not all of us live on the east coast. Alaska probably has fewer than 1,000 official UU church members, and other western states also have small numbers of UU’s. What if we could connect people and enable them to enhance the spiritual community they find at church? I do not believe that social media should replace real life church, but it can have a role in building relationships and retaining young adults. We have many tools to inform people, but not necessarily to engage them. Speaking for myself, when I am engaged in something I am much more likely to be committed.<br /><br />With a structure halfway between Twitter and Facebook, I am interested to see what role Google+ could play in creating such a community once it goes live. There is a lot of talk in the UU blogosphere about how to attract and retain members to prevent UU-extinction. I believe that for most people, relationships trump theology. Anything that helps people find each other and minister to each other can only be a good thing.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-24683546085349712782011-07-05T16:24:00.002-08:002011-07-05T16:27:55.963-08:00On Friendship - Connection & ReconnectionThis was a great weekend for connecting with friends. Friday night was spent at a party with new friends, and Sunday and Monday were spent at parties reconnecting with an old friend, the Math Teacher and her family. One was a girls' night, and one was a 4th of July barbeque. Our friendship has a strange arc; we were friends as children, and again as young adults*, and we are re-connecting now as we each approach middle age. Who knows, maybe we will lose touch again and bump into each other in an old folks home.<br /><br />Sunday night I hung out with the Math Teacher and her friend Goldilocks. We had a great time, but the conversations were a little surreal. On the one hand, we know each other so well and have so much history, but I have seen the two of them only sporadically over the last 15 years. We each know parts of the other’s lives intimately, but we are each totally ignorant about whole other swaths of our own personal history. Each conversation feels like the past is sitting there with us. We have tried to reconnect before, but we always let busy lives get in the way. I have to thank Facebook for helping us to start our friendship back up for a third time.<br /><br />One of the best parts of hanging out with her is seeing what an awesome person she has become. She is still her, but it is like she has become her best self. Life has taught her how to be a strong and centered person that I really admire instead of the person who doubted everything about herself. I really wish I could take her back in a time machine and introduce her to her 20-year old self. I want to tell her younger version that this is who she will become.<br /><br />I read somewhere once that as we get older those who knew us when we were young become more and more important. I have loved meeting all the new friends I have made over the last two years and I am grateful for them, but having people who knew you as you were and see you as you are is really grounding.<br /><br />*<span style="font-size:78%;">The Math Teacher’s father was the first UU I ever met. I thought he was crazy when he tried to describe his church to me – the church I now attend.</span>Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-37357752274037636312011-06-21T14:35:00.002-08:002011-06-21T14:38:06.355-08:00Here's To the Summer Solstice!Even when it’s cloudy, like it is today, Summer Solstice is one of my favorite days of the year. Some people see this day as half empty since the days will all be getting shorter from here on out. I prefer to see today as a reminder to embrace joy. If things are not going to get any better than this, we had better celebrate what makes this moment awesome. I tend to be on the analytical side, but today is a day for celebration and abandon. On Summer Solstice, I remember just how good it feels to be alive.<br /><br />I don’t think I am going to be able to stay up and see the midnight sun tonight, so I will have to toast it before I snuggle down in bed – behind my blackout curtains of course.Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3850048301451111235.post-8956611184129004272011-06-17T15:00:00.002-08:002011-06-17T15:01:54.726-08:00I Like ChangeI try hard to see things from other people’s points of view. I do. When I get too wrapped up in my own indignation, I try to remember that my point of view isn’t the only one, or even the only legitimate one. But there is one area where I struggle with this and I can’t seem to put myself in another’s shoes: I like change.<br /><br />Not all change. Some change is bad, or sad. Not often, but even I am susceptible to nostalgia at times, but generally change in exciting. There are a lot of great options and things to try in this world and if you never change, you never get to experience them. While I am far from a physical daredevil, the fact that I have never tried something is a perfectly valid reason to pursue it. I like to try a million different ideas and see which ones stick. We won’t even go into what I think of cooking the same meal at Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. Most change is not scary, but an adventure.<br /><br />Most people I know do not share this same attitude and that is frustrating. I often feel like I am being prevented from trying great things for no better reason than other people don’t want to change or try anything new. This trend is coming into play within our fellowship. From my biased and imperfect point of view it seems like many people want the fellowship to grow, and provide more services, and increase diversity, and attract young people as long as nothing has to change to do so. <br /><br />This is driving me crazy.<br /><br />I would never presume to join a functioning organization only to tell them how they need to change it to be more in line with my needs; that is just arrogance. But if you say you are concerned with dwindling numbers nationwide and you want to grow, if you say you want to reach out and have a bigger impact on your community, if you say you want to be a beacon of liberal religion in a very conservative town you have to be willing to try something new.<br /><br />I am raising changephobic people, but I don’t understand them. I want to understand that point of view better so that I can work to find a middle way between my own quixotic nature and those who revere tradition. Husband S points out that I should be glad some people are happy to stick with what they like. I am not sure I will get it. I took a few days to write this and I’m glad I did, because the first draft was about how these people were wrong, wrong, wrong when I need to focus on finding harmony. How do you all had success in convincing people that growing means trying something new even if it is scary?Strange Attractorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16164412906076335124noreply@blogger.com0