Making Peace With Christmas & Solstice

In which I address steps that have helped to make this holiday season the best in years.

Since leaving Christianity I have struggled with how and whether to celebrate Christmas.  It felt false to cherry-pick parts of a Christian holiday while rejecting Christianity itself.  On the other hand, I did not want to cause further division in my family by refusing to participate, nor did I want to force my kids to be those weird kids whose mom won’t let them do Christmas.  I like Christmas and I wanted to keep it, but I always felt a little inauthentic about it.

As a humanist science nerd and a dabbler in paganism, I love the Winter Solstice.   The trouble is no one in my family celebrates the Solstice or has the slightest interest in changing the date of our winter celebration.  Every year when December 21 passed, mostly unobserved, it felt like I was neglecting something important, or missing out.

All of the pieces of this change have been in my head for years, but this year they clicked in way that is meaningful for me.  Christmas is the way my culture celebrates the Winter Solstice.  For me, that is it. It may be a few days late, due to a calendar clash, but that is far from the strangest thing about western euro-american culture.  This may be a big "duh" to you, but sometimes it takes a while between when you know something is true and when you feel its truth. When you look at the history of winter festivals, you can come away with a feeling that Christmas is somewhat false, but this year something has turned and it feels more universal.  I am not going to begrudge literalist Christians their refusal to see how much of their sacred day is borrowed from older traditions, but I won't let them interfere with my understanding of its history either.  Instead I will just view Christmas as one aspect in a web of winter holidays.  I will celebrate the Solstice on December 25 and call it Christmas.  The actual story of Christ's birth is not spiritually significant for me, but the long darkness and the reborn sun are. If I focus on joy and peace and warmth and beauty in winter, who cares if it is a few days late? This is Christmas and Solstice on my terms, and I don't feel like I am fighting either one of them anymore.

The second change I have made this year is in my expectation for my own performance on Christmas.  Our kids are getting older and understand why financially this will be a smaller Christmas than normal. Knowing that I will not be able to provide everything I want to freed me from feeling like I have to make the BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER! every year. I am focusing on spending time instead of money.  This means watching Dr. Who Christmas specials with Tall Daughter E and cutting paper snowflakes with Tiny Daughter M.  It is hot cider with Husband S late on Christmas Eve and learning to knit gifts.  It means very little time spent Christmas shopping.

This Christmas is important.  It is the last Christmas when all my kids will be children.  It is the last one where I know for sure that the whole family will live together and race together down the hallway Christmas morning.  I hope Tall E is with us next Christmas, but she will be an adult then, and it is possible she will be living somewhere else.  I want to wrap my arms around this Christmas and hug it.

Yesterday I had a very frustrating afternoon and what should have been a vexing evening.  But as I killed time running errands and walking in the beautiful falling snow, I stared pondering this post and found myself so in love with the world, so happy not to be a neurotic mess.   I am not totally sure why I find myself calmer and less frantic this holiday season, but I am.  I find myself honoring the stillness of the season more than the joyous frenzy. I want to rest and dwell in this Christmas.  To everyone reading this, I sincerely wish a wonderful joyous and peaceful holiday, on whatever terms you choose to celebrate it.

Happy Solstice!

Happy Solstice to one and all.

We let our girls stay up last night to watch the spectacular solstice lunar eclipse. We had great visibility from our deck except for right when the moon was totally eclipsed; the clouds had rolled in by then. The huge silver moon that set this morning was almost as beautiful. All in all, it is the start of a lovely solstice. Even if nothing else goes right today, knowing that the days start getting longer tomorrow makes me glad.

Staying up late had another benefit. Wrapping presents, listening to Christmas music the girls and I ended up having a great conversation about how we each see religion and how important it is to respect others’ viewpoints. The girls never really want to discuss religion with me when I try to teach them something, but this was a really honest and organic conversation that one of them started. I talked to them a little about what UU has meant to me. We decided that we all three have different beliefs and agreed to respect them. I am glad we had that time to talk. We also learned how to wrap presents around the new kitten-type members of the family – a useful skill.

I haven’t posted here is a while. I think I have been avoiding introspection, trying to keep everything together for the holidays. I have a couple of issues I have been rolling over in my mind and I should be putting them down to screen here soon. Till then, enjoy whatever holiday you are yours cherish.

Satisfied With Here and Now

I went for another beautiful wintry walk this evening, this time after dark. I am trying to learn to enjoy winter this year and the current scenery and relative warmth are helping with that quite a bit. Things kind of clicked in my head tonight while sweeping snow off the deck. This winter appreciation effort is part of learning to not only be happy, but to be satisfied with where I am.

Much of my life has been spent wishing I lived in a better place or a better time or a better lifestyle. Part of that is an overactive imagination, but only a part. If only I were... then my life would really be the way I want it to be. But my time and place to be is here. My energy is better spent making this the here and now I want instead of pining for what isn't.

Please someone remind me of this in a few months when it is bitter cold and dark, and I want to be anywhere in the world other than here. That is why hot baths were invented.

Winter Wonderland

I am not well know for loving winter. Our summers are spectacular, but I generally see winter as something to be endured. While our friends on the east coast have been getting all of the snow, Anchorage has had an unusual week of ice fog. Now I have something to celebrate.

There are trees all over Anchorage and now they are all coated with the most amazing looking hoar frost. The whole world looks like one big Ansel Adams photo. The bike path to the nearby lake reminds me of a faery land and some Narnia jokes were made. I know it will just be a matter of days before wind or snow changes it all so I am savoring every drive and walk of every day while it is here.

These photos were taken with my phone and they don't do the scenery justice, but I wanted to share some of this beauty with you. They were all taken in color by the way. I am grateful to have something to appreciate about winter since one of my goals is to find the good in what I have instead of wishing for something else. I reserve the right to change my mind by February, but right now I am loving winter in Anchorage.