In Contrast to Yesterday's Post

Sunday was a day of highs and lows; the evening could not have been more different from the emotional tumult of the morning. Several women from and related to our Fellowship gathered together in a ritual of support for one of our own. It was beautiful, moving, and profound. Those women filled that house will such love and unwavering faith. I was honored and grateful to have been asked to be a part of it.

I am still reeling a bit, but grateful to have been shown the other side of the coin. This connection, this support, this love for each other, this is why I ventured back into religious life. It is not about theology or the expectations of others. It is not about us vs. them. It is about me and we. All is not lost or dark or despairing. I am still hanging in there.

Ghosts of Protestants Past

Yesterday was a difficult Sunday at church. We are doing a series in which various members share those positive aspects of their childhood faiths that they brought with them into their UU practice and we started things off with Protestants. I was interested in the subject matter, but totally unaware of how it would hit me. I have been trying to put emphasis lately on moving forward into positive faith rather than dwelling on rebelling against the past. I don’t want to continue to define myself as a former anything. I thought I had made a lot of progress.

Sometimes we are not very honest with ourselves. I was so uncomfortable while people were sharing it was all I could do not to just get up and leave. I bolted out of there as soon as the service was over. I had a really strong emotional reaction and it wasn’t to what was being said; it was to my own response. I felt myself interpreting people through old filters. I didn’t like what I was showing myself about who I still am on the inside. I would like to be an open minded agnostic Unitarian Universalist, and part of me is. But the truth is that my base setting is that of a lapsed, disillusioned, and guilty Pentecostal. It made me question, whether or not I can really do Unitarian Universalism.

So I read Soul Seeds this morning. Anthony has a great post and this part in particular leapt off the screen at me.

Many books have been written recently about the Christian Right. One that does a particularly good job of getting inside the movement’s worldview, particularly that of its working-class members, is Spirit and Flesh: Life Inside a Fundamentalist Baptist Church by James M. Ault Jr…. Ault, like George Lakoff and several other authors, locates the heart of the Christian Right worldview in its overall vision of family life—not just in the positions it takes on a handful of specific “family values” issues like abortion or same-sex marriage.

[According to this overall vision of family life,] a child … is born into a network of mutual obligations and depends for its survival on the fulfillment of those obligations. As it grows, the child takes an ever more active role in upholding that network. At no point in the process is the individual in a position to stand outside the network and choose whether or not its obligations apply to him or her. The only choice the individual has is whether to fulfill his/her obligations or to renege on them. This is what fundamentalists mean when they say that moral values are “absolute” rather than “relative.”


Regular readers know that I struggle with relationships in my family and that second paragraph clarified things for me.

I feel like a bad daughter for leaving the faith.

I feel like I have betrayed my family and their sacrifices. I know it isn’t true, in my head that is. I know that I had to choose a different path. I can't live those values. Pretending to worship Christ to protect their feelings was eating at me. The dishonesty was toxic and it affected my children more than I realized at the time. I know leaving the church was the right thing for me. And still. And still I feel like I have let them down. I feel their disappointment. I often wonder why it is so hard for me to get over my former religion when I had so many positive experiences growing up in it. But it is this, it is so tied up with my family and my place in it. I don’t think I can get over one issue without the other.

I generally feel like I have my act together, but it is a times like these that I think maybe I am a lot more fucked up than I realize.

For Veterans and Armistice

Today, like every November 11, is Veteran’s Day in the U.S. It is right and fitting that we honor and thank our military veterans and their families for their service and their sacrifice.

We should also remember today’s older name - Armistice Day. This day we set aside to be thankful for the end of a tragic and wasteful war. My wish this Veteran’s/Armistice Day is for all of our service members engaged in Iraq and Afghanistan to come home safely.

“In Flanders Field”

Happy Carl Sagan Day

Happy Carl Sagan Day!

The winter holidays can be a struggle, but this is one I can get behind. For those of you with Netflix instant streaming Cosmos is available. I think I know what I am watching tonight.

Looking for Church Website Recommendations

A few of us have been talking for a while about updating our church’s website. I have been digging around looking at other churches’ sites, but I would like to get your recommendations.

Which churches are doing it right? What do you like about their sites? What do you look for in a church website either as a longtime member or as a newcomer trying to find a new church? What do you hate about church websites?

Any and all construction recommendations and suggestions are welcome. Thanks for your input.

Voting Against Women

I voted against several women today and I am rooting for more of them to lose. I feel a little disloyal.

I view voting as a personally sacred act. Whenever I vote, I think of women’s suffragists who worked so hard and sacrificed so much so that I could have my vote count. I wish Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony and others could see me and millions of other American women cast their votes. I feel like they are looking over my shoulder and it becomes a pleasure to wait in line for a ballot.

So it feels wrong to vote against so many women. Discounting judges, of the five races on my ballot I voted for exactly one woman and against three. I wish that wasn’t so, but as much as I want to see more women elected I am not willing to vote to support the lock that social conservatives have on the government of this state. I wish that progressive women got the attention that women of the Tea Party get.

Every time I discuss the news around my daughters and I criticize one high profile candidate or another, I hope they are not getting the message that women shouldn’t be leaders. I flinch when I hear myself criticize the sisterhood. So I am trying to see this as a positive development. Women are credibly running for office in large enough numbers that they are being judged by their capabilities and their character, rather than their gender. I don’t feel like I have to vote for every woman on the ballot just so that we have some gender parity in government. I still hope to vote for a woman and to see her win the presidency in my lifetime, but I want to vote for her because she is the best person for the job and not because of our shared gender. Oh, and she absolutely positively cannot be from Wasilla.

Still, it feels wrong.