Conversations on God as Woman

This past Sunday Melissa Harris-Perry had a very interesting segment on her new show with Selene Jones, president of Union Theological Seminary, on women as religious leaders and as images of the divine. This is not the type of discussion I have commonly seen outside of liberal religious circles. This is an important conversation and I hope it continues.


Since I don’t believe in a god, you might wonder why I care how we envision him/her/it/them. But I do care. Non-theists are a small minority in America, and we are affected by the policies enacted by and attitudes prevalent among the majority of Americans who are theists. So it is important to me that, culturally, we do not limit our vision of the divine to white maleness. Our perception of what is good and worthy should not automatically make half of the population “other”. When we picture the divine we shape what we think is of value, and we all need to be able to participate in being valuable and seeing others as so.

Even personally, I care about how we picture the divine. I have found a lot of value in some pagan practices. Sometimes I wonder if it is even fair to participate in rituals since my beliefs are out of line with most Pagans, but picturing divine females helps me to deal with aspects of myself. As a Christian, I never felt like I was related to God, but working with goddesses is connecting to parts of myself. They are not other; they are me. Even as I feel my connection to Paganism slipping, I remember learning that reverence for goddess could be a real and deeply experienced religion, and how both welcoming and shocking that was.

It only requires a quick look at recent headlines to see that allowing patriarchy to dominate all discussions of religious faith is a bad idea and does not serve any of us well. Being an atheist does not shield me from its effects. I hope that going forward we have more public discussions of a more rounded view of divinity and religion.

Tiamat

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my magic.

Lately I have been out of touch with my pagan “roots”. The reason I looked into UU in the first place was it looked like a place where I could explore my life-long interest in paganism and still be an agnostic. I thought I might end up a UU Humanist Witch or a non-theistic Jungian goddess-worshipper, if you will. UU seemed like it would help me explore those contradictions.

For the last year or so, Buddhism has been speaking much more loudly to me. The more I investigated Buddhism, the less I was drawn toward trying to make sense of exploring goddess archetypes. While I love what Paganism teaches me about connection & responsibility, Buddhism is helping me live in this world in a better, happier way. Because of all of this, I have been feeling out of sync with my local goddess group and other pagans, most of whom worship and practice ritual in a much more theistic way than I do. I don’t want to be a downer on what they are trying to do, and what is sincerely meaningful for them, but sometimes the level of woo is a bit much for materialist me. There were a few rituals where I went home feeling like I went along with something I didn’t actually believe; I do not like that feeling. If I wanted that, I could have stayed a Pentecostal.

Then something strange happened; in the last week I came across references to the same goddess three times: Tiamat. Just about the time I started thinking that was a little weird watched a film with an unnamed sea goddess/personification of the ocean. Hmmm. In general, when I notice the same uncommon thing a few times in a short amount of time I make a practice of paying attention to it. I am not saying the universe is trying to tell me something – maybe it has been there all along and my subconscious is drawing my attention to it. However you describe it, I try to look into it and see if there is something there I can learn. After all, that is how I found UU.

When I started to think and read about Tiamat, I thought she might be the perfect patron for this blog. Tiamat represents the powers of creation and chaos. Chaos Theory and the patterns within creation is what got me interested in forming my personal spirituality in the first place. Tiamat is the dark All-mother creatrix who was maligned and re-cast as a demon by who's destruction men gained glory. How perfect is that for a feminist? I felt like her struggle was my struggle. I mourned for her. To me she represents all of the strong and fierce women who were put down and told they were shameful over the millennia. I have been mediating this week on finding the Tiamat within me and nurturing her. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I feel like it is important.

I still do not know how to integrate Humanism, Buddhism, and goddess worship into a coherent spirituality. One of these always seems to be in contradiction with at least one of the others. For now I will continue to stumble from inspiration to inspiration until something coherent emerges.

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea" - Isak Dinesen

Great Post on the Goddess & Chaos

I always get excited when someone else sees a connection between chaos theory and spirituality so I loved this post by Carolyn Boyd on the goddess and chaos. It especially reverberated with me because I was just reading the myth of Tiamat and Marduk. Thanks to Medusa Coils for the link.

RIP Merlin Stone

Merlin Stone passed away this weekend. As usual Jason Pitzl-Waters at The Wild Hunt has an excellent write up on her impact in goddess studies. I try not to engage in hyperbole, but I can honestly say her book, When God Was a Woman changed my life. That book started a process that totally changed the way I think about religion and spirituality, their place in human history, and what all of that could mean to me.

I came across her book by accident. I was shopping in the college bookstore my senior year and it was on the clearance rack, marked down to some ridiculously low price. It looked intriguing so I bought it and promptly put it in the books-I-am-going-to-get-around-to-reading stack. When I finally worked my way around to it, I was totally absorbed. I had learned about the Venus of Willendorf, and Crete, and Catal Huyuk, but the idea that deeply matriarchal and spiritually vibrant culture was not an aberration was earth-shaking for me.

It didn’t convince me to believe in a literal goddess anymore than I believe in a literal god, but those archetypal images and symbols stuck with me, as well as a desire to connect with what they mean. Reading Stone helped me to understand how totally out of touch I had become with Christianity. I read it a second time a few years later and it revitalized in me a determination that my daughters not be brought up in a faith that taught them they were second-best.

Thank you, Merlin Stone. May you rest in peace.

Athena's Messenger Bag

I don't really share my pagan practices with my children, much. We sometime talk about myths or about different ways to think about spirituality, but I pretty much leave them out of most of it.

Having said that...

We recently bought Tiny Daughter M a new lunch box. School starts a little early here so we are starting to get ready. It is shaped like a tiny messenger bag covered with owls, her favorite bird, all in her favorite color. She is so in love with it that she wears it all over the house. Because of its shape and pattern, The Husband declared that she was "Athena's Messenger". After reminder her who Athena is, she really liked the title. She now declares that it is her Athena's Messenger Bag. At least until it starts hauling food to school.

Nothing about this encounter was especially deep, but I just really liked the idea of spreading wisdom. Maybe I just like it when the girls like things that I like and I have always resonated with Athena. My daughters have certainly helped me to become wiser. I like the goal: to become Athena's messenger maybe just even to myself.

Cakes For the Queen of Heaven

Thursday night I started the Cakes For the Queen of Heaven class at the AUUF. This summer they are doing the second half of the program so I will look forward to getting the first half next summer.

Most of the material in this first session was review to me since I have read up on ancient goddesses before, but I enjoyed being able to discuss it with other women. Rather than just talking about the goddesses themselves, we dealt with how growing up with patriarchal religions had affected us personally and what kind of future we could foresee that makes room for the sacred feminine. That isn't a subject I really get to explore with people very often so it was good.

I've been thinking a lot about Asherah and the bum rap she gets in the Old Testament over the last few days. When I realized that all of those stories about Baal and his idols were probably much more about Asherah and her Baal, it made me feel like maybe I had been rooting for the wrong side. I have viewed the Old Testament in a whole different light since I learned about Canaanite goddesses a few years ago. I have so much more sympathy and even sadness for those who were struck down or otherwise punished for following other gods.

I may have to miss the class on the Virgin Mary due to a kid-sized conflict, but I'm looking forward to the rest of the class

Mamma Mia and the Divine Feminine

I enjoy the film Mamma Mia in a visceral way. Watching it is just a completely joyful experience. So why is that? Why do myself and so many other women respond to this movie in such a powerful way? Artistically, it is far from the best film I have ever seen, yet it has worked its way onto my desert island list.

Last night, watching Mamma Mia with the girls had me thinking about this and I have a theory. Mamma Mia taps into the same hunger as The Davinci Code: a longing for the divine feminine. Both of these are flawed works, but they are so phenominally successful, I believe in part, to demonstrating the value of the feminine.

Mamma Mia is not a religious film. Most of the emphasis is on women's relationships with other women, and with themselves; the men are there to move the story along. Corny as it is, the scene where Meryl Streep plays pied piper while singing "Dancing Queen" is a celebration of the divine feminine. I know it's schmaltzy, but watching all of those women throw down their toils and responsibilities to run along and celebrate the dancing queen inside of each of them moves me. The film tells us that each of us has something that is strong and beautiful and independent, but it also craves connection with others on own terms.

It is directed by Phyllida Law, and the woman's touch shows. The interactions between the women ring true in a way that is uncommon in most films directed by men. Even's the film's sense of humor seems more feminine to me.

A lot of digital ink has already been spent on The Davinci Code, so I won't spend much time here. It's fair to say, though, that much of its worldwide success can be attributed to people being curious about or enamored with the idea of women having an important role in religion. There is a hole in male-dominated religions, and people responded in droves when even an over-hyped pot-boiler of a novel acknowledged that there was something to fill that hole.

Hopefully, we will see more art that either overtly or indirectly deals with the feminine as a source of inspiration and strength and spiritual comfort.

On Being Artemis

Ever since I was a very young little Christian girl attending Christian school, I have identified strongly with Athena. She seemed so strong and so much like who I wanted to be. Later, when I learned about Irish myths, Brigid was the goddess for which I felt the most affinity. No coincidence there.

So it struck me with some surprise this morning when it occurred to me that I am having an Artemis year. This doesn't mean I want to be totally independent, or that I am not still fanatically attached to my husband, but lately I have been more comfortable with doing things on my own terms. In many different little ways, I have been putting myself forward more like I am and less how people think I should be. Or maybe how I think they think I should be.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have never been a Stepford-anything, I've always enjoyed being a little bit of a contrarian. I've been putting more of an emphasis on embracing and honoring the real me. Maybe it started with feeling more financially stable, and therefore, capable. It now ranges from everything from my appearance to dealing with a difficult co-worker. I don't feel like making excuses anymore. I don't want this to sound like everything is my-way-or-the-highway, but I feel a lot less like apologizing for my choices.

We have made some unconvential choices in our life: we are still a one-car family, my husband was a stay at home dad for 5 years and still works part time, we don't enrole our kids in group sport, we are gamer geeks who enjoy the company of other gamer geeks. I was confortable with these decisions, but sometimes concerned about how they looked to others. Well, I am much less concerned lately and it feels good.

It's time to brush up on Artemis/Diana myths and some meditation on them. My view of deities is that of archetypes, so there is something for me to learn or develop there. I know that Athena will always be the mythic role model closest to me, but maybe she won't mind if I take some guidance from Artemis for just a while.

My New and Beloved Apple Tree

I bought an apple tree this weekend. It sounds pretty trivial, but I am more excited than I can tell you. Apples aren't native to Alaska, but I have wanted one for years and years. We finally bought a house last summer and I knew this spring I would be planting my very own apple tree.

Apples caught my imagination through their connection to magic and, specifically goddesses. Loving apples and apple trees was a way to covertly nourish my connection to the divine feminine and to the power of myth. I still remember as an adolescent reading a description of Gwynhwyvar on her wedding day with her hair in braids and each braid ended in a tiny golden apple.

Currently, this much anticipated little sapling is sitting in front of my living room window since there is still about a month before I can plant it in the backyard. It is already budding there and I am happy every time I look at it. The store only had one tree left of the type I wanted, so I still need to get another for pollination. Right now, I can't think of a better way to celebrate spring's renewal right now than to watch the buds grow on my very own little apple tree.