Happy Imbolc!*
Imbolc is a strange holiday here in Alaska, because even though the light is starting to return (2 hours since the Winter Solstice!), there are no other signs of spring return, nor are there likely to be any anytime soon. Until last year, I never really acknowledged Imbolc as it didn’t seem to fit into my seasonal cycle.
Last year it occurred to me that Imbolc is the perfect time to make resolutions. By New Years I am still whirling from Christmas and usually planning two birthday parties. This puts me in no place for real reflection. By the beginning of February, I have had time, and darkness, and quiet enough to think about what I want to bring with me into the year. Imbolc is celebrated in honor of the Irish goddess Brigid, and her double emphasis on home & hearth, and creativity already make me think about what I want to be and do better.
Last year at Imbolc I decided I wanted to learn to do some things badly. I have a tendency to only want to things I am good at and avoid anything in which I might not excel. I did learn to both knit and run badly – badly enough to hurt myself even, but I found both learning experiences enjoyable, valuable, and freeing. Kicking off the expectation of excellence was uncomfortable at first, but it allowed me to explore interests in a new way, and opened up whole areas that I had always felt were off limits. I also learned to be a service lay leader this year, and I hope I am not doing it badly. It is really important to me that I do that one well, or move out of the way and let someone else do it better.
Here are three things I am focusing on this Imbolc.
1. Learning to do last year’s projects well. While I enjoyed the liberation I felt in learning those new skills, I want to get better at them rather than coasting. I also want to learn to do new things badly. I’m not sure what those things will be yet, but maybe when I am ready, a teacher will appear.
2. I want to write more without worrying about the readers’ reception. I spend way too much time second guessing what people think about what I write and not enough time writing. This might even fall under #1 as well.
3. 2012 will involve a lot of changes in my house. Tall Daughter E will be an adult this summer and she and I will need to find a new way of living together as two adult women. This might be a big learning curve. I am not sure how to do this, but she is important enough to me to figure it out. Tiny Daughter M will start middle school later this year and I will have no more small children. I need to learn how to parent through this transition.
Here is to more learning, writing, and adjusting in 2012. Check out the 7th annual online poetry festival for Brigid here. For those of you who celebrate, what does Imbolc bring to you?
*Patricia Kennealy Morrison referred to this holiday last night on Facebook as Brighnasa, as the counterpart to Lughnasa in August. I like it, and may use it in the future.
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
Making Peace With Christmas & Solstice
In which I address steps that have
helped to make this holiday season the best in years.
Since leaving Christianity I have
struggled with how and whether to celebrate Christmas. It felt false to
cherry-pick parts of a Christian holiday while rejecting Christianity
itself. On the other hand, I did not want to cause further division in my
family by refusing to participate, nor did I want to force my kids to be those
weird kids whose mom won’t let them do Christmas. I like Christmas and I
wanted to keep it, but I always felt a little inauthentic about it.
As a humanist science nerd and a
dabbler in paganism, I love the Winter Solstice. The trouble is no
one in my family celebrates the Solstice or has the slightest interest in
changing the date of our winter celebration. Every year when December 21
passed, mostly unobserved, it felt like I was neglecting something important,
or missing out.
All of the pieces of this change
have been in my head for years, but this year they clicked in way that is
meaningful for me. Christmas is the way my culture celebrates the Winter
Solstice. For me, that is it. It may be a few days late, due to a
calendar clash, but that is far from the strangest thing about western
euro-american culture. This may be a big "duh" to you, but
sometimes it takes a while between when you know something is true and when you
feel its truth. When you look at the history of winter festivals, you can come
away with a feeling that Christmas is somewhat false, but this year something
has turned and it feels more universal. I am not going to begrudge
literalist Christians their refusal to see how much of their sacred day is borrowed
from older traditions, but I won't let them interfere with my understanding of
its history either. Instead I will just view Christmas as one aspect in a
web of winter holidays. I will celebrate
the Solstice on December 25 and call it Christmas. The actual story of
Christ's birth is not spiritually significant for me, but the long darkness and
the reborn sun are. If I focus on joy and peace and warmth and beauty in
winter, who cares if it is a few days late? This is Christmas and Solstice on
my terms, and I don't feel like I am fighting either one of them anymore.
The second change I have made this
year is in my expectation for my own performance on Christmas. Our kids
are getting older and understand why financially this will be a smaller
Christmas than normal. Knowing that I will not be able to provide everything I
want to freed me from feeling like I have to make the BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!
every year. I am focusing on spending time instead of money. This means watching Dr. Who Christmas specials with Tall Daughter E and cutting paper
snowflakes with Tiny Daughter M. It is
hot cider with Husband S late on Christmas Eve and learning to knit gifts. It means very little time spent Christmas
shopping.
This Christmas is important. It is the last Christmas when all my kids
will be children. It is the last one
where I know for sure that the whole family will live together and race
together down the hallway Christmas morning.
I hope Tall E is with us next Christmas, but she will be an adult then,
and it is possible she will be living somewhere else. I want to wrap my arms around this Christmas
and hug it.
Yesterday I had a very frustrating
afternoon and what should have been a vexing evening. But as I killed time running errands and
walking in the beautiful falling snow, I stared pondering this post and found
myself so in love with the world, so happy not to be a neurotic mess. I am not totally sure why I find myself
calmer and less frantic this holiday season, but I am. I find myself honoring the stillness of the
season more than the joyous frenzy. I want to rest and dwell in this Christmas. To everyone reading this, I sincerely wish a
wonderful joyous and peaceful holiday, on whatever terms you choose to
celebrate it.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
On Friendship - Connection & Reconnection
This was a great weekend for connecting with friends. Friday night was spent at a party with new friends, and Sunday and Monday were spent at parties reconnecting with an old friend, the Math Teacher and her family. One was a girls' night, and one was a 4th of July barbeque. Our friendship has a strange arc; we were friends as children, and again as young adults*, and we are re-connecting now as we each approach middle age. Who knows, maybe we will lose touch again and bump into each other in an old folks home.
Sunday night I hung out with the Math Teacher and her friend Goldilocks. We had a great time, but the conversations were a little surreal. On the one hand, we know each other so well and have so much history, but I have seen the two of them only sporadically over the last 15 years. We each know parts of the other’s lives intimately, but we are each totally ignorant about whole other swaths of our own personal history. Each conversation feels like the past is sitting there with us. We have tried to reconnect before, but we always let busy lives get in the way. I have to thank Facebook for helping us to start our friendship back up for a third time.
One of the best parts of hanging out with her is seeing what an awesome person she has become. She is still her, but it is like she has become her best self. Life has taught her how to be a strong and centered person that I really admire instead of the person who doubted everything about herself. I really wish I could take her back in a time machine and introduce her to her 20-year old self. I want to tell her younger version that this is who she will become.
I read somewhere once that as we get older those who knew us when we were young become more and more important. I have loved meeting all the new friends I have made over the last two years and I am grateful for them, but having people who knew you as you were and see you as you are is really grounding.
*The Math Teacher’s father was the first UU I ever met. I thought he was crazy when he tried to describe his church to me – the church I now attend.
Sunday night I hung out with the Math Teacher and her friend Goldilocks. We had a great time, but the conversations were a little surreal. On the one hand, we know each other so well and have so much history, but I have seen the two of them only sporadically over the last 15 years. We each know parts of the other’s lives intimately, but we are each totally ignorant about whole other swaths of our own personal history. Each conversation feels like the past is sitting there with us. We have tried to reconnect before, but we always let busy lives get in the way. I have to thank Facebook for helping us to start our friendship back up for a third time.
One of the best parts of hanging out with her is seeing what an awesome person she has become. She is still her, but it is like she has become her best self. Life has taught her how to be a strong and centered person that I really admire instead of the person who doubted everything about herself. I really wish I could take her back in a time machine and introduce her to her 20-year old self. I want to tell her younger version that this is who she will become.
I read somewhere once that as we get older those who knew us when we were young become more and more important. I have loved meeting all the new friends I have made over the last two years and I am grateful for them, but having people who knew you as you were and see you as you are is really grounding.
*The Math Teacher’s father was the first UU I ever met. I thought he was crazy when he tried to describe his church to me – the church I now attend.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Here's To the Summer Solstice!
Even when it’s cloudy, like it is today, Summer Solstice is one of my favorite days of the year. Some people see this day as half empty since the days will all be getting shorter from here on out. I prefer to see today as a reminder to embrace joy. If things are not going to get any better than this, we had better celebrate what makes this moment awesome. I tend to be on the analytical side, but today is a day for celebration and abandon. On Summer Solstice, I remember just how good it feels to be alive.
I don’t think I am going to be able to stay up and see the midnight sun tonight, so I will have to toast it before I snuggle down in bed – behind my blackout curtains of course.
I don’t think I am going to be able to stay up and see the midnight sun tonight, so I will have to toast it before I snuggle down in bed – behind my blackout curtains of course.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Confessions of an Easter Crank
As requested by the lovely lady from Texas in one of her guises of @TheMissionalist, here are my thoughts on why I was glad to be done with Easter yesterday evening.
1. Sick kid who really wanted to have a fun Easter, but was feeling lousy – not much fun.
2. Family. Many people share my feelings about family and holidays. It can be difficult, especially in theologically diverse families. I am not the only one who has that one relative who makes every gathering a chore to endure, but I do have one. That one special person who makes you smile though gritted teeth and think to yourself that you really do uphold the worth and dignity of EVERY person regardless of how you are feeling at the moment. My feeling is that you have the opportunity to contribute and the right to criticize, but you can’t have just the latter. (Letting out that deep breath now.)
Now, for the theology. I’ve written about this before, but Easter as a holiday is meaningless for me. As a non-theist, I don’t celebrate the risen Christ. Participating in Easter festivities makes me feel dishonest and I hate being dishonest with people. My family of origin believes in the literal resurrection story so I know that the remembrance and celebration of said story holds significant meaning for them. For me, it means extra shopping and cooking I have to do. I guess it just tugs me back to feeling like I have to pretend to have a faith I don’t have in order to make them happy, and I won’t do that anymore. I don’t want to be disrespectful to their faith, but I can’t share it with them either.
Being post-Christian, I don’t like the whole Easter story. The theme of re-birth and renewal is lost on me because what I see is a celebration that your leader was tortured to death. That is not so festive for me. When I was a conservative Christian, Easter had meaning: Christ’s sacrifice bought my eternal life. But if you don’t believe in the divinity of Jesus and you don’t believe in penal substitution, then what is the whole point? Without a literal resurrection Easter just seems gory.
Sarah at Ernie Bufflo writes here about what Good Friday means to her as a liberal Christian so I know that there are other ways to view Easter from a liberal perspective. I recommend her post if you want a more uplifting version of Holy Week than mine. I guess I could sum this whole post up by saying that I would be happy to ignore Easter altogether and wish the faithful well as I do with many holidays that are not part of my faith tradition, but celebrating it part of the way, without any faith behind it feels wrong.
1. Sick kid who really wanted to have a fun Easter, but was feeling lousy – not much fun.
2. Family. Many people share my feelings about family and holidays. It can be difficult, especially in theologically diverse families. I am not the only one who has that one relative who makes every gathering a chore to endure, but I do have one. That one special person who makes you smile though gritted teeth and think to yourself that you really do uphold the worth and dignity of EVERY person regardless of how you are feeling at the moment. My feeling is that you have the opportunity to contribute and the right to criticize, but you can’t have just the latter. (Letting out that deep breath now.)
Now, for the theology. I’ve written about this before, but Easter as a holiday is meaningless for me. As a non-theist, I don’t celebrate the risen Christ. Participating in Easter festivities makes me feel dishonest and I hate being dishonest with people. My family of origin believes in the literal resurrection story so I know that the remembrance and celebration of said story holds significant meaning for them. For me, it means extra shopping and cooking I have to do. I guess it just tugs me back to feeling like I have to pretend to have a faith I don’t have in order to make them happy, and I won’t do that anymore. I don’t want to be disrespectful to their faith, but I can’t share it with them either.
Being post-Christian, I don’t like the whole Easter story. The theme of re-birth and renewal is lost on me because what I see is a celebration that your leader was tortured to death. That is not so festive for me. When I was a conservative Christian, Easter had meaning: Christ’s sacrifice bought my eternal life. But if you don’t believe in the divinity of Jesus and you don’t believe in penal substitution, then what is the whole point? Without a literal resurrection Easter just seems gory.
Sarah at Ernie Bufflo writes here about what Good Friday means to her as a liberal Christian so I know that there are other ways to view Easter from a liberal perspective. I recommend her post if you want a more uplifting version of Holy Week than mine. I guess I could sum this whole post up by saying that I would be happy to ignore Easter altogether and wish the faithful well as I do with many holidays that are not part of my faith tradition, but celebrating it part of the way, without any faith behind it feels wrong.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Lent
So, um… Lent.
What to do with it? It is there, and it seems all around me the past few years, but it isn’t mine. It feels like it needs addressing somehow. As I mentioned last year Lent was never part of my childhood faith. Neither Southern Baptists nor Assembly of God “do” Lent. As a non-theist, I don’t do Lent now. Other than remembering not to eat whatever it was that friends had given up in front of them, Lent has always been irrelevant to my life.
But…
Last year I enjoyed the 40/40/40 challenge when I gave up eating meat for 40 days. Especially for those of us in the developed world, it is good for us to go without something for a time, to focus on how fortunate we are to have all of these luxuries we take for granted. Times of excess and celebration are wonderful, but times of denial are their balance, and I have neglected that side of the equation. Lent seems like it would be a perfect time to be in sync with others doing the same thing, so I thought about it.
But the theology is getting in the way for me. Practicing Lent, for me, would be like admitting than I am an inherently evil person who needs Christ’s bloody sacrifice for salvation, and that I need to try and share, in some small way, with his suffering. That’s not going to work for me. I realize that not all Christians view Lent this way and it is meaningful for many. This is how it feels for me.
Then I saw that the UU Ministry For Earth is continuing the 40/40 for Earth Challenge from April 17 – May 26. I will have to delay my fast another month, but it is good to know I can do it in conjunction with others. Is anyone else out there in blogland planning to participate in this challenge? If you did it last year, what did you get out of it? If you are doing it this year, what kind of fast or change do you intend to make?
I do wish a blessed Ash Wednesday and Lenten period for all those who observe it. May your fast bring you what you seek.
What to do with it? It is there, and it seems all around me the past few years, but it isn’t mine. It feels like it needs addressing somehow. As I mentioned last year Lent was never part of my childhood faith. Neither Southern Baptists nor Assembly of God “do” Lent. As a non-theist, I don’t do Lent now. Other than remembering not to eat whatever it was that friends had given up in front of them, Lent has always been irrelevant to my life.
But…
Last year I enjoyed the 40/40/40 challenge when I gave up eating meat for 40 days. Especially for those of us in the developed world, it is good for us to go without something for a time, to focus on how fortunate we are to have all of these luxuries we take for granted. Times of excess and celebration are wonderful, but times of denial are their balance, and I have neglected that side of the equation. Lent seems like it would be a perfect time to be in sync with others doing the same thing, so I thought about it.
But the theology is getting in the way for me. Practicing Lent, for me, would be like admitting than I am an inherently evil person who needs Christ’s bloody sacrifice for salvation, and that I need to try and share, in some small way, with his suffering. That’s not going to work for me. I realize that not all Christians view Lent this way and it is meaningful for many. This is how it feels for me.
Then I saw that the UU Ministry For Earth is continuing the 40/40 for Earth Challenge from April 17 – May 26. I will have to delay my fast another month, but it is good to know I can do it in conjunction with others. Is anyone else out there in blogland planning to participate in this challenge? If you did it last year, what did you get out of it? If you are doing it this year, what kind of fast or change do you intend to make?
I do wish a blessed Ash Wednesday and Lenten period for all those who observe it. May your fast bring you what you seek.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Happy Solstice!
Happy Solstice to one and all.
We let our girls stay up last night to watch the spectacular solstice lunar eclipse. We had great visibility from our deck except for right when the moon was totally eclipsed; the clouds had rolled in by then. The huge silver moon that set this morning was almost as beautiful. All in all, it is the start of a lovely solstice. Even if nothing else goes right today, knowing that the days start getting longer tomorrow makes me glad.
Staying up late had another benefit. Wrapping presents, listening to Christmas music the girls and I ended up having a great conversation about how we each see religion and how important it is to respect others’ viewpoints. The girls never really want to discuss religion with me when I try to teach them something, but this was a really honest and organic conversation that one of them started. I talked to them a little about what UU has meant to me. We decided that we all three have different beliefs and agreed to respect them. I am glad we had that time to talk. We also learned how to wrap presents around the new kitten-type members of the family – a useful skill.
I haven’t posted here is a while. I think I have been avoiding introspection, trying to keep everything together for the holidays. I have a couple of issues I have been rolling over in my mind and I should be putting them down to screen here soon. Till then, enjoy whatever holiday you are yours cherish.
We let our girls stay up last night to watch the spectacular solstice lunar eclipse. We had great visibility from our deck except for right when the moon was totally eclipsed; the clouds had rolled in by then. The huge silver moon that set this morning was almost as beautiful. All in all, it is the start of a lovely solstice. Even if nothing else goes right today, knowing that the days start getting longer tomorrow makes me glad.
Staying up late had another benefit. Wrapping presents, listening to Christmas music the girls and I ended up having a great conversation about how we each see religion and how important it is to respect others’ viewpoints. The girls never really want to discuss religion with me when I try to teach them something, but this was a really honest and organic conversation that one of them started. I talked to them a little about what UU has meant to me. We decided that we all three have different beliefs and agreed to respect them. I am glad we had that time to talk. We also learned how to wrap presents around the new kitten-type members of the family – a useful skill.
I haven’t posted here is a while. I think I have been avoiding introspection, trying to keep everything together for the holidays. I have a couple of issues I have been rolling over in my mind and I should be putting them down to screen here soon. Till then, enjoy whatever holiday you are yours cherish.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Slow Christmas
I have just had the last busy weekend I want to have until the new year. I am focusing on having what I call a Slow Christmas this year – fewer presents, fewer activities, fewer obligations, less stress. I want to reclaim enjoying the holiday season. I simply refuse to spend any time in malls on the weekends for the rest of the month. I will do things with my family that I enjoy doing and will take on fewer things that I have to do. I will be mindfull and present for one of the last Christmases I will probably have with both my girls at home full time. I really mean it this year.
In our house tonight we will have one of my favorite parts of the season – putting up the Christmas tree!
In our house tonight we will have one of my favorite parts of the season – putting up the Christmas tree!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
For Veterans and Armistice
Today, like every November 11, is Veteran’s Day in the U.S. It is right and fitting that we honor and thank our military veterans and their families for their service and their sacrifice.
We should also remember today’s older name - Armistice Day. This day we set aside to be thankful for the end of a tragic and wasteful war. My wish this Veteran’s/Armistice Day is for all of our service members engaged in Iraq and Afghanistan to come home safely.
“In Flanders Field”
We should also remember today’s older name - Armistice Day. This day we set aside to be thankful for the end of a tragic and wasteful war. My wish this Veteran’s/Armistice Day is for all of our service members engaged in Iraq and Afghanistan to come home safely.
“In Flanders Field”
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Happy Carl Sagan Day
Happy Carl Sagan Day!
The winter holidays can be a struggle, but this is one I can get behind. For those of you with Netflix instant streaming Cosmos is available. I think I know what I am watching tonight.
The winter holidays can be a struggle, but this is one I can get behind. For those of you with Netflix instant streaming Cosmos is available. I think I know what I am watching tonight.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Happy Belated Lughnassadh
I missed both Lughnassadh/Lammas celebrations this weekend due to travelling for work. On the plus side I can now say I have been above the Arctic Circle, and what better time than now? I will also miss our women’s circle’s Lammas retreat due to a conflict with my wedding anniversary. As much as I would like to go, I don’t miss our anniversary for anything.
This is the third year in a row that Lughnassadh just hasn’t worked out for me. It always seems to be this festival that has the problem. Also, it is hard to get in the mood to celebrate the fruits of summer when we have seen nothing but rain for a month.
Best wishes for a meaningful holiday for all of you who celebrated this weekend or who have celebrations yet to come. Here’s to looking forward to Mabon!
This is the third year in a row that Lughnassadh just hasn’t worked out for me. It always seems to be this festival that has the problem. Also, it is hard to get in the mood to celebrate the fruits of summer when we have seen nothing but rain for a month.
Best wishes for a meaningful holiday for all of you who celebrated this weekend or who have celebrations yet to come. Here’s to looking forward to Mabon!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Dreaming of a White Lughnassadh
It looks like I will be spending Lughnassadh above the Arctic Circle this year with my evangelical Christian boss. This ought to make for an interesting holiday. It might be hard to think about the first fruits of the harvest at 32 degrees. I know two years isn’t much of a pattern, but it seems like Lughnassadh is becoming the day to expect surprises.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Happy Summer Solstice
I love love love the Summer Solstice! It is my firm and unassailable opinion that no one loves the solstice like we northerners. The sun decided to come out and play for the celebrations yesterday and we are having a beautiful solstice today. I walked down to the nearby lake last night and just watched the sun and the birds and the trees. I felt so at peace and this morning’s ride was giddy and joyful. I am just happy.
I am really coming to love my women’s ritual group. Even though our Solstice celebration was rained out on Saturday we had a lovely time as one of us opened her home. It was a small part of what was said and done, but one passage stuck with me. As glorious as it is, Solstice highlights impermanence for us. When summer is at its zenith, it begins to wane again. I usually try not to think about that and focus on all the glorious night we have left all summer long. But the reason this day is so joyous is because I know winter is coming. Those long dark nights make this day so much sweeter, but I am sure I wouldn’t care about it if I lived near the equator.
I love it when my interests in Paganism and Buddhism overlap like that. This day reminds me to savor every sweet and wonderful thing I see without begrudging its eventual loss. Without impermanence, it wouldn’t be so beautiful. I hope I can hang on to this lesson this winter and remember that it is OK to lose something, because that means that I once had it.
I am really coming to love my women’s ritual group. Even though our Solstice celebration was rained out on Saturday we had a lovely time as one of us opened her home. It was a small part of what was said and done, but one passage stuck with me. As glorious as it is, Solstice highlights impermanence for us. When summer is at its zenith, it begins to wane again. I usually try not to think about that and focus on all the glorious night we have left all summer long. But the reason this day is so joyous is because I know winter is coming. Those long dark nights make this day so much sweeter, but I am sure I wouldn’t care about it if I lived near the equator.
I love it when my interests in Paganism and Buddhism overlap like that. This day reminds me to savor every sweet and wonderful thing I see without begrudging its eventual loss. Without impermanence, it wouldn’t be so beautiful. I hope I can hang on to this lesson this winter and remember that it is OK to lose something, because that means that I once had it.
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Anxiety of Motherhood
Is there anything in our culture more anxiety producing than motherhood?
I saw this over and over on blogs and Twitter leading up to Mother’s Day, intelligent and dedicated women torn up over whether or not they are good mothers. A SAHM who left her career behind to raise her two young children feels like she is not doing it right, working moms who probably spend more time with their children that the average 1050’s housewife who feel guilty about shortchanging their children. Has it always been like this?
Is this how motherhood has always been or if there something really toxic going on? Why do so many mothers feel like total failures at the most important job we will ever have?
I don’t have any answers about this, but I am really disturbed by the question. I am not immune to this anxiety so this is not in any way a criticism of women who question their mothering skills. But if motherhood is supposed to be the greatest joy in our lives, why do so many of us feel like shit about it?
I have sometimes thought that I love my girls so much that I wish they had a better mother than me. I wish they had someone who wouldn’t yell at them or be selfish or be depressed. Someone who could raise them to be the awesome women they are. I hope I haven’t raised them to live with this same sense of self-doubt if and when it is their turn to be mothers.
Next year, instead of the rainbow and orchids and other Hallmark-designated trappings of Mother’s Day, let a mother know she is doing a good job. Tell her that you know mothering is not easy and that she isn’t the only one why worries about not being any good at it. In fact, why not do it today?
I saw this over and over on blogs and Twitter leading up to Mother’s Day, intelligent and dedicated women torn up over whether or not they are good mothers. A SAHM who left her career behind to raise her two young children feels like she is not doing it right, working moms who probably spend more time with their children that the average 1050’s housewife who feel guilty about shortchanging their children. Has it always been like this?
Is this how motherhood has always been or if there something really toxic going on? Why do so many mothers feel like total failures at the most important job we will ever have?
I don’t have any answers about this, but I am really disturbed by the question. I am not immune to this anxiety so this is not in any way a criticism of women who question their mothering skills. But if motherhood is supposed to be the greatest joy in our lives, why do so many of us feel like shit about it?
I have sometimes thought that I love my girls so much that I wish they had a better mother than me. I wish they had someone who wouldn’t yell at them or be selfish or be depressed. Someone who could raise them to be the awesome women they are. I hope I haven’t raised them to live with this same sense of self-doubt if and when it is their turn to be mothers.
Next year, instead of the rainbow and orchids and other Hallmark-designated trappings of Mother’s Day, let a mother know she is doing a good job. Tell her that you know mothering is not easy and that she isn’t the only one why worries about not being any good at it. In fact, why not do it today?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Belated Easter Thoughts of a Non-theist
What is a non-theist to do with Easter?
I thought about this a lot last weekend. I love to celebrate Christmas, but it is different. While undeniably a religious holiday, Christmas has also become a secular one. The closeness to the Winter Solstice makes the festivities go down even easier, but Easter is another matter.
Easter is not secularized or separate from the sacred enough for me to kid myself into thinking I am doing anything other than celebrating the resurrection of Christ. I would be quite happy to let the day go completely un-differentiated, but canceling the Easter egg hunt and Easter dinner with my family would not make me highly regarded in their eyes. It might be fair to say it would make me a jerk.
Easter is not close enough to a sabbat for me to get my pagan on about it. There is almost always still snow on the ground this far north, so celebrating the coming of spring is more ceremonial than anything else. So how'bout it? What do the rest of you do. Any of you non-Christian or post-Christian UU's have any suggestions? How do you frame Easter? To observe or not to observe, what do you do?
I thought about this a lot last weekend. I love to celebrate Christmas, but it is different. While undeniably a religious holiday, Christmas has also become a secular one. The closeness to the Winter Solstice makes the festivities go down even easier, but Easter is another matter.
Easter is not secularized or separate from the sacred enough for me to kid myself into thinking I am doing anything other than celebrating the resurrection of Christ. I would be quite happy to let the day go completely un-differentiated, but canceling the Easter egg hunt and Easter dinner with my family would not make me highly regarded in their eyes. It might be fair to say it would make me a jerk.
Easter is not close enough to a sabbat for me to get my pagan on about it. There is almost always still snow on the ground this far north, so celebrating the coming of spring is more ceremonial than anything else. So how'bout it? What do the rest of you do. Any of you non-Christian or post-Christian UU's have any suggestions? How do you frame Easter? To observe or not to observe, what do you do?
Monday, August 17, 2009
In Honor of Awesome Day
To honor Chalicechick's holiday of Awesome Day, I would like to celebrate the following fact: yesterday on August 16, 2009 I found my most favorite sleeveless summer weight sweater that has been missing since I moved over a year ago in Tiny Daughter M's closet. I mean, I LOVE this sweater.
I am wearing said sweater today and I feel awesome in it. Yay for getting rid of her too small clothes.
In other yesterday news, we played Rock Band with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend who are visiting and much fun was had. We haven't seen her in a long time and we miss her. The boyfriend got to see a moose which blew his mind and our good friend The Comic Book Guy sings a version of "Master Exploder" more awesome than we deserve.
I am wearing said sweater today and I feel awesome in it. Yay for getting rid of her too small clothes.
In other yesterday news, we played Rock Band with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend who are visiting and much fun was had. We haven't seen her in a long time and we miss her. The boyfriend got to see a moose which blew his mind and our good friend The Comic Book Guy sings a version of "Master Exploder" more awesome than we deserve.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Eagle Encounter and Great Alaska Weekend
It is my firm opinion that no one loves summer like Alaskans do. I love it even more than most. Weekends like this are what makes it worthwhile to live with winter seven months of the year. Just beautiful.
We had a great 4th of July weekend here in south-central Alaska. The extended fam, my best girlfriend, and I went to the Girdwood Forrest Fair on Saturday. Girdwood is a bedroom community based around a ski resort and also the infamous home of Ted Stevens's re-modeled house. They have a music festival there every year that features lots of booths selling only hand made goods, sort of like a small state fair run by hippies. We brought a pic nic and spent the day in the sunshine in the mountains. I think I'll plan the logistics differently next time, but it was a good time. I was the driver so no bier garden for me, but maybe next year.
Yesterday, the girls and I went to the local swimming hole lake and got up close and personal with an eagle. Anchorage residents can be pretty blase about encounters with wildlife; we frequently have moose in our yard in the winter and bears are becoming more of a problem in some parts of town. (I'm not kidding, a bear recently ate a co-worker's cat. She lives sort of out in the woods though.) This was amazing even by Anchorage standards. We often see bald eagles flying around our house. They like to hunt for fish in the local lakes, but I have never been this close to one before. The eagle had its eye on some delicious looking goslings, when some seaguls chased it into a tree. They usualyl stay up pretty high so you don't see them down in the cottonwoods, but there it was trying to get one of those fuzzy little floating snacks. We finally went up near to the tree when we realized the seaguls weren't going to let it go anywhere, they are quite insistant, and we were only about 35 feet from the eagle. It was amazing and I will probably never get that close to an eagle outside a zoo ever again.
I made a big batch of Alaska-style bouillabaisse last night with salmon, halibut, cod, clams, and crab stock, all caught wild by someone I know. Real Alaskans consider me too much of a city girl to count, but I felt authentic last night. We finished up the evening on my deck with my husband and a good friend and a mojito watching the squirrels in the trees. The hot temperatures made the evening shade feel just perfect. I often dread the hassle and expectations of holidays, but this was the perfect ending to a great 4th of July weekend.
We had a great 4th of July weekend here in south-central Alaska. The extended fam, my best girlfriend, and I went to the Girdwood Forrest Fair on Saturday. Girdwood is a bedroom community based around a ski resort and also the infamous home of Ted Stevens's re-modeled house. They have a music festival there every year that features lots of booths selling only hand made goods, sort of like a small state fair run by hippies. We brought a pic nic and spent the day in the sunshine in the mountains. I think I'll plan the logistics differently next time, but it was a good time. I was the driver so no bier garden for me, but maybe next year.
Yesterday, the girls and I went to the local swimming hole lake and got up close and personal with an eagle. Anchorage residents can be pretty blase about encounters with wildlife; we frequently have moose in our yard in the winter and bears are becoming more of a problem in some parts of town. (I'm not kidding, a bear recently ate a co-worker's cat. She lives sort of out in the woods though.) This was amazing even by Anchorage standards. We often see bald eagles flying around our house. They like to hunt for fish in the local lakes, but I have never been this close to one before. The eagle had its eye on some delicious looking goslings, when some seaguls chased it into a tree. They usualyl stay up pretty high so you don't see them down in the cottonwoods, but there it was trying to get one of those fuzzy little floating snacks. We finally went up near to the tree when we realized the seaguls weren't going to let it go anywhere, they are quite insistant, and we were only about 35 feet from the eagle. It was amazing and I will probably never get that close to an eagle outside a zoo ever again.
I made a big batch of Alaska-style bouillabaisse last night with salmon, halibut, cod, clams, and crab stock, all caught wild by someone I know. Real Alaskans consider me too much of a city girl to count, but I felt authentic last night. We finished up the evening on my deck with my husband and a good friend and a mojito watching the squirrels in the trees. The hot temperatures made the evening shade feel just perfect. I often dread the hassle and expectations of holidays, but this was the perfect ending to a great 4th of July weekend.
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