Two short years. While taking a walk with my girls last night I realized that two years is all I have left until everything changes. In two years Big Daughter E will be out of high school and turning 18, and Tiny Daughter M will be done with elementary school and heading into the hormonal morass of middle school.
Due to some less than stellar planning, I have been parenting E almost as long as I have been an adult. Two years from this month, she will be a grown woman making her own way in the world. Even if she continues to live at home I won’t be actively parenting her the same way anymore. In two years my baby will be almost a teenager and not a baby anymore. The small children stage of parenting will be over and I will become increasingly annoying and stupid to her. That’s it. That’s all I have left.
I need to slow down and cherish these next two years. After that, we will be playing a whole new ballgame that I am not ready for yet. Gretchen Rubin frequently quotes, “the days are long, but the years are short” and I am hearing that message loud and clear today. Slow down and be mindful of this time I have left to raise my girls together. Stop taking their time and attention for granted. Pay attention. Just two more years.
Showing posts with label mindfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mindfulness. Show all posts
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Managing Mindfulness
I just had the best session of walking mindfully I have ever had. I feel much more settled and refreshed than I did before. The weather was gorgeous and I was really able to focus on being here now, mostly, so apparently it isn't impossible after all. I just wanted to celebrate it. I hope the feeling lasts, 'cause I really need it today.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Walking in Mindfulness, Or Not
As is my wont in the summer, I put on my walking shoes and walked over the the nearby lake at lunch. I usually listen to music, but I have misplaced my earbuds so I had to hoof it on my own.
This seemed like a perfect opportunity to practice walking meditation, but it just felt like too much work. I wanted to wind down from work, not work on something else. so, I made a deal with myself, I would let my mind go wherever it pleased to wander on the way to the lake, and I would put my best effort into mindfulness on the way back to work. I am really happy with the result.
I walked in the sunshine toward the Chugach mountains and let my mind leap around like the monkey it is. I thought about blogging, and sushine. I stopped to watch the caterpillar cross the bike path. Why I find caterpillers adorable and maggots repulsive when they are the same thing will not be explored here. I thought about how little and green the new birch leaves are, but how they add up to such great effect, I thought about Star Trek. I thought a lot about Star Trek. I thought about the book I'm reading and how much it changed my philosophy, but felt so true the first time I read it. It underscores for me that there is no separation between the physical and the spiritual even though that is not what it is about. This type of mental meandering is one of the most relaxing things in the world for me and I don't want to give it up to be mindfull all the time. I know it's not disciplined, but it is nourishing.
On the way back to the office, I focused on where I was at the time, my breath, the rhythm of my steps and all the sounds and beautiful sights around me. This is also time well spent, but I don't think I would have been as prepared or as able to commit to the concentration without the earlier mental downtime. I don't have a name for this reverse meditation, but it's peaceful and I need it. An aspect of the UU path I find really valuable is that I don't have to always be doctinaire.
This seemed like a perfect opportunity to practice walking meditation, but it just felt like too much work. I wanted to wind down from work, not work on something else. so, I made a deal with myself, I would let my mind go wherever it pleased to wander on the way to the lake, and I would put my best effort into mindfulness on the way back to work. I am really happy with the result.
I walked in the sunshine toward the Chugach mountains and let my mind leap around like the monkey it is. I thought about blogging, and sushine. I stopped to watch the caterpillar cross the bike path. Why I find caterpillers adorable and maggots repulsive when they are the same thing will not be explored here. I thought about how little and green the new birch leaves are, but how they add up to such great effect, I thought about Star Trek. I thought a lot about Star Trek. I thought about the book I'm reading and how much it changed my philosophy, but felt so true the first time I read it. It underscores for me that there is no separation between the physical and the spiritual even though that is not what it is about. This type of mental meandering is one of the most relaxing things in the world for me and I don't want to give it up to be mindfull all the time. I know it's not disciplined, but it is nourishing.
On the way back to the office, I focused on where I was at the time, my breath, the rhythm of my steps and all the sounds and beautiful sights around me. This is also time well spent, but I don't think I would have been as prepared or as able to commit to the concentration without the earlier mental downtime. I don't have a name for this reverse meditation, but it's peaceful and I need it. An aspect of the UU path I find really valuable is that I don't have to always be doctinaire.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Why is Mindfulness So Hard?
My husband calls me anti-zen, but I really am trying to learn. It's just that doing anything mindfully for more than 10 seconds is really hard.
Yesterday I watched a six-minute video of Thich Nhat Hahn talking about mindfulness and I couldn't even watch that mindfully. I thought a lot about how hard mindfulness is, what I've tried in the past, what has and has not worked for me before, etc. I even thought, I should blog about this. I was on the same subject he was, but I probably missed a lot of what he was trying to say.
I don't think my mind has ever not being doing multiple things at once. If nothing else, I am constantly analyzing everything all the time. I mean all the time. I had always considered my mental multi-tasking to be a strength, but is it really a stumbling block to my spiritual growth? I enjoy basic seated meditation, but trying to bring an attitude of mindfulness into the rest of my life is much much harder. How much do I need to incorporate it into my daily life? If I devote times and activities to mindfulness, can I be a mental monkey the rest of the time?
Sometimes when I am trying to apply mindfulness, someone, like one of my kids, will interrupt me, which is very very irritating. Now am I mad and frustrated because can't she see I was trying to be mindful? I'm pretty sure this is the exact opposite of the intended effect.
I love the idea of mindfulness meditation. I like that it's a calming and contemplative discipline that doesn't require theist beliefs. It sometimes seems like that is just not how my brain wants to work. Does anyone have any ideas that have worked for them? How have you moved mindfulness from the meditation mat out into your life?
Yesterday I watched a six-minute video of Thich Nhat Hahn talking about mindfulness and I couldn't even watch that mindfully. I thought a lot about how hard mindfulness is, what I've tried in the past, what has and has not worked for me before, etc. I even thought, I should blog about this. I was on the same subject he was, but I probably missed a lot of what he was trying to say.
I don't think my mind has ever not being doing multiple things at once. If nothing else, I am constantly analyzing everything all the time. I mean all the time. I had always considered my mental multi-tasking to be a strength, but is it really a stumbling block to my spiritual growth? I enjoy basic seated meditation, but trying to bring an attitude of mindfulness into the rest of my life is much much harder. How much do I need to incorporate it into my daily life? If I devote times and activities to mindfulness, can I be a mental monkey the rest of the time?
Sometimes when I am trying to apply mindfulness, someone, like one of my kids, will interrupt me, which is very very irritating. Now am I mad and frustrated because can't she see I was trying to be mindful? I'm pretty sure this is the exact opposite of the intended effect.
I love the idea of mindfulness meditation. I like that it's a calming and contemplative discipline that doesn't require theist beliefs. It sometimes seems like that is just not how my brain wants to work. Does anyone have any ideas that have worked for them? How have you moved mindfulness from the meditation mat out into your life?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)