Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Flash of Personal Revelation

I just realized something and I want to get it down before I forget it. Yes, I realize I should keep a journal, but that is not really the point right now. Pardon me if this sounds dis-jointed, but I haven't really organized the thoughts yet.

I have a very overactive imagination, but I've always struggled with visualization. I can't watch most horror films because I imagine what it would feel like if I were in that totally unrealistic position. I can stay freaked out for weeks over something that wouldn't bother most middle schoolers because I can imagine something similar playing out. Because of my imagination, I am actually pretty good at putting myself in someone else's shoes, at least as much as anyone can know what happens in another person's brain. So why am I so bad at visualization? If I am such a mental person, shouldn't that be the easy part?

I was just reading about trance work and visualization and thinking about why they are so hard when it occured to me like a flash that my imagination tends to work in terms of how something feels, not how it looks. (Bob from Twin Peaks is an exception to this rule.) I may be dense not to have noticed this before, but this was such a shock that I had to put down the book. You see, I am a strongly visual learner and emotions are the part of life where I have the most trouble. Even though I have many of them in my life, people with strong emotions can have me back-pedaling before I even know what happened. Part of the reason I started practicing paganism was to strengthen my emotional, alogical side. It felt like something I needed to do, even though it didn't make logical sense to me.

None of this makes any sense to me right now and I don't know what to make of it, but it is true. Anyone have any advice on what to do with this bit of insight?

No comments:

Post a Comment